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i_read_whatSo last time in the Crystal Shard, Regis the Halfling used his nifty gem to conquer unite some feuding towns so they can pull their heads out of their asses to face an incoming barbarian invasion. It's a bit ethically dubious, but for a good cause. If I were Regis, I'd probably have done a lot worse.
So we start with a paragraph glimpse into what the Barbarians are doing: basically "charging across the tundra like an angry whirlwind" and scaring all of the animals, including the yeti, as they go. Dicks.
Then we rejoin Drizzt Do'Urden, who is sitting early halfway up Kelvin's Cairn. He's not as well loved as Bruenor, so he doesn't have a thinking place named after him. He and Regis are keeping watch. Regis is less happy about this, because he'd rather be home in bed, but he acknowledges that as a spokesman, he was expected to help carry out his own suggested course of action. And since he isn't much use for making battle plans, he got volunteered to help Drizzt keep watch.
Do the other politicians have to keep watch? I think this is a little unfair. You can't tell me that every one of the other spokesmen are helpful with battle plans. We've seen them, they're fucking morons. Also Regis united the entire settlement! But 'what have you done for us lately', I guess.
I think I'm #TeamRegis here.
Anyway, we're also told that Bruenor has joined the planning, as promised. So that's good.
Apparently this is the third night out, and Regis has been grumbling and complaining constantly. And again, I wonder at the unfairness of this. Sure, Drizzt isn't complaining, but Drizzt is a giant martyr. But three nights in a row, of freezing cold watch doesn't seem fair when there are literally ten towns of people who could help out too.
But really, the whole point of bringing up Regis's whining and complaining is to contrast him with Drizzt, who "sat unmoving and oblivious to the conditions, his stoic dedication to duty overriding any personal distress."
Ugh.
Anyway, they end up interrupted when Drizzt catches a flicker of light, and realizes that the attacking Barbarians are on the horizon. He tells Regis to notify Bruenor and Cassius that the Barbarians will reach some landmark or other by "sun's peak tomorrow". He also keeps calling Regis "little friend", which, if I were Regis, would lead to a nice punch in the dick. Hey, I'd be the right height for it.
Regis urges Drizzt to come with him, and it's actually rather sweet. He thinks that they wouldn't keep Drizzt out if he's the bringer of such urgent news. But Drizzt has something else to do.
We soon see what it is: he's scouting. Somehow Drizzt has made it secretively to the Barbarians' encampment. "The normally effective watchmen were outmatched by an elf from a world that knew no light, one who could conjure a magical darkness that even the keenest eyes could not penetrate and carry it beside him like a tangible cloak."
Yep that's Drizzt. Anyway, we're told that the Barbarians are exhausted from their hard march and is sleeping soundly. Drizzt starts spying on the leader's tent:
We see our folk from before discussing targets and tactics, while Drizzt plots defensive maneuvers. He notes that deBernezan (the short southerner) knows Bryn Shander well. Then he calls his panther, Guenhwyvar to him.
So we some flowery paragraphs about Guen, the gist being that she's from the astral plain and she likes hunting and Drizzt, who is referred to as her soulmate and master. The text uses "it", but I distinctly remember later books using feminine pronouns for the panther, so that's what I'm using. Also her name is a variation of "Guinevere". So anyway, Guen can receive mental instruction from Drizzt, and lures the guards away, as Drizzt sneaks off in another direction.
As a character beat, we're told that the Tribe of the Tiger, unlike the others, falls to their knees to give thanks when they see the magic cat. Anyway, Gwen gets away and rejoins Drizzt.
This is a busy chapter, and we now join a conversation between Bruenor and Drizzt. Bruenor is happy that the "greater enemy" has now arrived because the townsfolk have been squabbling for two days. He and Drizzt have a plan to trap some of the barbarians.
We're also told that Bruenor and company have been loading their womenfolk and children onto boats since getting the news. Bruenor praises Drizzt's plan in a way I actually quite like for the implied insult to the humans: 'Ye've a good eye for battle, elf. Yer plan'll turn the surprise on the barbarians and it still splits the glory evenly among them that needs glory.'
That whole "among them that needs glory" is such a great phrase. I love Bruenor. We're also told though that Bruenor doesn't like Guen, which Drizzt understands (of course he does). We're told that Dwarves are particularly uncomfortable around magic that isn't part of their crafted armor or weapons. I want a dwarf mage now just to fuck with Drizzt's expectations. But I'm not sure that was actually doable in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons in 1988.
Anyway, we get a fairly large chunk of backstory here, the gist being that Gwen originally belonged to another drow, as a gift from a demon lord in exchange for a service the drow had provided in a matter concerning gnomes. Which honestly is more detail than I really need, Mr. Salvatore.
Anyway, Drizzt and Guen had met a lot and basically fell in man-cat love, even while she served another master. She even saved him from death, and we get an entire paragraph of what EXACTLY happened (Drizzt had been journeying to a neighboring city and fell afoul of a demon crab thing, and we even find out how it laid in wait for him and JESUS CHRIST, Salvatore. I get that you really want to tell us this backstory, but this isn't really the fucking TIME. There are fucking BARBARIANS ON THE HORIZON.
Seriously, it's not enough that we know that Guen saved Drizzt once, we get ANOTHER paragraph about how it charged the monster as if to punish it. And then MORE backstory, multiple paragraphs about the incident that was the last straw (Masoj using Guen to hunt down innocent gnomes). I do like this bit here though:
This was actually the final outrage in a long line of outrages which Drizzt could no longer bear. He had always known that he was unlike his kin in many ways, though he had many tunes feared that he would prove to be more akin to them than he believed. Yet he was rarely passionless, considering the death of another more important than the mere sport it represented to the vast majority of drow. He couldn't label it, for he had never come across a word in the drow language that spoke of such a trait, but to the surfacedwellers that later came to know Drizzt, it was called conscience.
But anyway, long story short (too late!), Drizzt ambushes Masoj, which is apparently the only time he has ever killed another drow, and then he fled with Guen. I feel like this entire bit is going to get retconned in the Dark Elf Trilogy anyway, which makes this MULTIPLE PAGE TANGENT even less necessary.
Yes, Guenhwyvar is a cool cat. But her backstory could seriously have been told in one short paragraph: The figurine had originally been owned by another drow in Menzoberranzan. The cat and Drizzt crossed paths multiple times and developed a bond. Guenhwyvar had even saved his life once, even though he hadn't been her master at the time. Eventually, Drizzt ended up killing Guenhwyvar's former master before he fled to the surface with Guenhwyvar by his side.
There we go. It's not the most elegant paragraph, but it's a paragraph that gets the gist across so we can get BACK TO THE FUCKING BARBARIAN INVASION!
Which will be in the next chapter.
So we start with a paragraph glimpse into what the Barbarians are doing: basically "charging across the tundra like an angry whirlwind" and scaring all of the animals, including the yeti, as they go. Dicks.
Then we rejoin Drizzt Do'Urden, who is sitting early halfway up Kelvin's Cairn. He's not as well loved as Bruenor, so he doesn't have a thinking place named after him. He and Regis are keeping watch. Regis is less happy about this, because he'd rather be home in bed, but he acknowledges that as a spokesman, he was expected to help carry out his own suggested course of action. And since he isn't much use for making battle plans, he got volunteered to help Drizzt keep watch.
Do the other politicians have to keep watch? I think this is a little unfair. You can't tell me that every one of the other spokesmen are helpful with battle plans. We've seen them, they're fucking morons. Also Regis united the entire settlement! But 'what have you done for us lately', I guess.
I think I'm #TeamRegis here.
Anyway, we're also told that Bruenor has joined the planning, as promised. So that's good.
Apparently this is the third night out, and Regis has been grumbling and complaining constantly. And again, I wonder at the unfairness of this. Sure, Drizzt isn't complaining, but Drizzt is a giant martyr. But three nights in a row, of freezing cold watch doesn't seem fair when there are literally ten towns of people who could help out too.
But really, the whole point of bringing up Regis's whining and complaining is to contrast him with Drizzt, who "sat unmoving and oblivious to the conditions, his stoic dedication to duty overriding any personal distress."
Ugh.
Anyway, they end up interrupted when Drizzt catches a flicker of light, and realizes that the attacking Barbarians are on the horizon. He tells Regis to notify Bruenor and Cassius that the Barbarians will reach some landmark or other by "sun's peak tomorrow". He also keeps calling Regis "little friend", which, if I were Regis, would lead to a nice punch in the dick. Hey, I'd be the right height for it.
Regis urges Drizzt to come with him, and it's actually rather sweet. He thinks that they wouldn't keep Drizzt out if he's the bringer of such urgent news. But Drizzt has something else to do.
We soon see what it is: he's scouting. Somehow Drizzt has made it secretively to the Barbarians' encampment. "The normally effective watchmen were outmatched by an elf from a world that knew no light, one who could conjure a magical darkness that even the keenest eyes could not penetrate and carry it beside him like a tangible cloak."
Yep that's Drizzt. Anyway, we're told that the Barbarians are exhausted from their hard march and is sleeping soundly. Drizzt starts spying on the leader's tent:
We see our folk from before discussing targets and tactics, while Drizzt plots defensive maneuvers. He notes that deBernezan (the short southerner) knows Bryn Shander well. Then he calls his panther, Guenhwyvar to him.
So we some flowery paragraphs about Guen, the gist being that she's from the astral plain and she likes hunting and Drizzt, who is referred to as her soulmate and master. The text uses "it", but I distinctly remember later books using feminine pronouns for the panther, so that's what I'm using. Also her name is a variation of "Guinevere". So anyway, Guen can receive mental instruction from Drizzt, and lures the guards away, as Drizzt sneaks off in another direction.
As a character beat, we're told that the Tribe of the Tiger, unlike the others, falls to their knees to give thanks when they see the magic cat. Anyway, Gwen gets away and rejoins Drizzt.
This is a busy chapter, and we now join a conversation between Bruenor and Drizzt. Bruenor is happy that the "greater enemy" has now arrived because the townsfolk have been squabbling for two days. He and Drizzt have a plan to trap some of the barbarians.
We're also told that Bruenor and company have been loading their womenfolk and children onto boats since getting the news. Bruenor praises Drizzt's plan in a way I actually quite like for the implied insult to the humans: 'Ye've a good eye for battle, elf. Yer plan'll turn the surprise on the barbarians and it still splits the glory evenly among them that needs glory.'
That whole "among them that needs glory" is such a great phrase. I love Bruenor. We're also told though that Bruenor doesn't like Guen, which Drizzt understands (of course he does). We're told that Dwarves are particularly uncomfortable around magic that isn't part of their crafted armor or weapons. I want a dwarf mage now just to fuck with Drizzt's expectations. But I'm not sure that was actually doable in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons in 1988.
Anyway, we get a fairly large chunk of backstory here, the gist being that Gwen originally belonged to another drow, as a gift from a demon lord in exchange for a service the drow had provided in a matter concerning gnomes. Which honestly is more detail than I really need, Mr. Salvatore.
Anyway, Drizzt and Guen had met a lot and basically fell in man-cat love, even while she served another master. She even saved him from death, and we get an entire paragraph of what EXACTLY happened (Drizzt had been journeying to a neighboring city and fell afoul of a demon crab thing, and we even find out how it laid in wait for him and JESUS CHRIST, Salvatore. I get that you really want to tell us this backstory, but this isn't really the fucking TIME. There are fucking BARBARIANS ON THE HORIZON.
Seriously, it's not enough that we know that Guen saved Drizzt once, we get ANOTHER paragraph about how it charged the monster as if to punish it. And then MORE backstory, multiple paragraphs about the incident that was the last straw (Masoj using Guen to hunt down innocent gnomes). I do like this bit here though:
This was actually the final outrage in a long line of outrages which Drizzt could no longer bear. He had always known that he was unlike his kin in many ways, though he had many tunes feared that he would prove to be more akin to them than he believed. Yet he was rarely passionless, considering the death of another more important than the mere sport it represented to the vast majority of drow. He couldn't label it, for he had never come across a word in the drow language that spoke of such a trait, but to the surfacedwellers that later came to know Drizzt, it was called conscience.
But anyway, long story short (too late!), Drizzt ambushes Masoj, which is apparently the only time he has ever killed another drow, and then he fled with Guen. I feel like this entire bit is going to get retconned in the Dark Elf Trilogy anyway, which makes this MULTIPLE PAGE TANGENT even less necessary.
Yes, Guenhwyvar is a cool cat. But her backstory could seriously have been told in one short paragraph: The figurine had originally been owned by another drow in Menzoberranzan. The cat and Drizzt crossed paths multiple times and developed a bond. Guenhwyvar had even saved his life once, even though he hadn't been her master at the time. Eventually, Drizzt ended up killing Guenhwyvar's former master before he fled to the surface with Guenhwyvar by his side.
There we go. It's not the most elegant paragraph, but it's a paragraph that gets the gist across so we can get BACK TO THE FUCKING BARBARIAN INVASION!
Which will be in the next chapter.