Eragon: Chapter Seventeen: Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle (Part II)

[pangolin20]

Chapter Seventeen (Part I) | Table of Contents | Chapter Eighteen (Part I)

Corneille Noire: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to Eragon!

Fumurti: And I’m back, too.

Corneille Noire: Last time, Eragon, Brom and Saphira travelled a bit across the plains, because this book reads like a travelogue, even though it is not supposed to be.

For the reader post… On the previous part, Epistler points out that it makes little sense for Brom and Eragon to want to light a fire if they do not want to be discovered.

Ill Logic: 273

Fumurti: Maegwin further notes, on part II of chapter 11, that Eragon not immediately believing Saphira’s claim about the Ra’zac’s footprints might just be because he wants to check for himself.

So…

Just Break Up Already: 249 (-1)

Corneille Noire: Let us begin with the second half of this chapter, then!

We open on the 28^th of December. Eragon is well-rested, and the wind has stopped, so he is in a “cheery humor”. He gets less cheery, however, when he sees “dark […] thunderheads” in front of them. Um… if these thunderheads are quite some distance away, they will look white, not “dark”. They only look dark when you are in their shadow and they block out most of the sunlight.

Fumurti: And two paragraphs after, they are explicitly noted to enter the “shadow” of the clouds.

Corneille Noire: (rests head in hands again for a bit) How hard can this be to understand?

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 36

This series just displays such a lack of understanding of how things work from Paolini. Either way, Brom has a look at the clouds and grimaces. He says he would not go into a storm like that usually, but they will get caught in it either way, so there is no reason not to get some distance in this day. That is quite sensible of Brom!

Fumurti: I’m impressed, too! I see there’s absolutely no mention of Saphira here, which is very nice again.

What Dragons?: 318

Corneille Noire: When they reach the “storm front”, it is still calm. They go into the shadow (sigh), and Eragon looks up. We get this:

The thundercloud had an exotic structure, forming a natural cathedral with a massive arched roof. With some imagination he could see pillars, windows, soaring tiers, and snarling gargoyles. It was a wild beauty.

Fumurti: So Eragon knows what a cathedral is like?? I guess he may have heard a description, but this level of detail seems a little weird to me. I think this is a prime example of Paolini inserting himself into the narration too much.

Forgot the Narrator: 39

Corneille Noire: It would work quite a lot better if we had this after Eragon sees an actual cathedral later in this book… Come to think of it, how can he see this if he is in the shadow of the cloud?

Fumurti: Hmmm, they’re on the northern hemisphere, so the sun would be to the south of them, and the shadow of the cloud would be north of it. And, since it’s just winter, the shadow would be quite long, so this is entirely plausible.

Corneille Noire: Thank you for the correction, then. I do like this image, I just wish it made sense. Also, what are these “soaring tiers”? Should that not be “soaring arches”?

PPP: 761

Eragon then looks back down and sees “a giant ripple” race through the grass toward him.

Fumurti: The self-published edition adds that he’s “frowning with puzzlement” here. Also good to see this region apparently has grass now? I think it would have been nice to know that we’re in the “less arid” region before now. If there is so much focus on travel, at least let us know where we are.

PPP: 762

Corneille Noire: Eragon then realizes that it is a “tremendous blast of wind”. Brom sees it too, and they hunch over in preparation of the storm. It has nearly reached them when Eragon “[has] a horrible thought” and turns in his saddle. He shouts both mentally and physically “Saphira! Land!”

Well, it is good to see that he literally did not think about Saphira until now!

Just Break Up Already: 250

Fumurti: This whole setup is also just ridiculous. Why should Saphira be in such danger from the storm that Eragon has to warn her? Yes, she may not have had much experience with storms, but she could at least go to the ground, and there the storm ought not to bother her too much.

Corneille Noire: Furthermore, are we to believe that she did not think of flying closer to the ground before now, or of landing? Even if she was ignored until now, she would still have seen the storm coming and be able to prepare. But no, we need her to be damseled, because why not?

Ill Logic: 275

Fumurti: Brom notices, after being startled for a bit in the self-published edition, and his face turns pale. Because dragons just instantly die when they enter a thunderstorm in Alagaësia? This still does not make any sense!

Corneille Noire: Hmmm, I think… would it be good to rename Stick the Dogma Over Facts to Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping (by Crooked_Ear_Llama)?

Fumurti: Yes, that seems quite reasonable, given how ridiculous this is. So remove the first two points, add this one, and we have:

Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping: 5

In fact… there’s something from the first part that I didn’t comment on then: why was Brom “perplexed” to see the Ra’zac go to Yazuac? If we are supposed to see that as “to the east”, that would mean they had to go along Du Weldenvarden and could reach Gil’ead reasonably fast. If they are supposed to go in the direction the map indicates, that… still seems like the quickest direction to go in to me? The map indicates that they could take the Ninor River to Gil’ead, for example. Here, let me show the chart we made:

It does not make sense!

Corneille Noire: Hmm, I could also interpret it as Brom being confused they went into the grasslands because of the lack of water and such… but it is still only four days and a quite versatile route, so I do not get it either. I think I will give it a point, too, for lack of anything better.

Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping: 6

Back to the story. Brom and Eragon are certain that Saphira is in “grave danger” because of the storm. They see her dive toward the ground, and Eragon thinks that she will not make it! But what is the problem? She can stay in the air perfectly fine! Yes, it would be inconvenient to fly into the wind front, but once she is in, she could descend to the ground reasonably fast without too much trouble. We have not even seen rain or lightning, for instance.

But no, Saphira must absolutely reach the ground before the wind reaches her, or she will explode or something.

Fumurti: The self-published edition notes here that Eragon notes where the wind is (that’s how he knows she won’t make it, presumably) and he has a “sick feeling” about it. Why he’s so convinced things will go wrong, I don’t know either.

Corneille Noire: We are told that Saphira “angle[s] back the way they had come, to gain time”. Again, why does she need to “gain time”? She will not die when the wind hits here, and she does not have any reason to think that, either! Eragon only told her to land quickly, so why would she bother “gaining time”?

Also, why is she landing downwind? She just dived, after all, and that, combined with the wind, would mean she has to get rid of more speed, which would take longer. Further, she cannot brace herself against the wind as effectively. It would not be a great danger, if only because she is much too heavy to be thrown by the wind, but it still does not make sense.

Ill Logic: 277 (+2)

Fumurti: Just then, the wind hits them “like a hammer blow”. There is a bit of description for how the wind tears at them, and Cadoc “sway[s] and [digs] his hooves in the ground”. Well, if Cadoc can keep standing during this, Saphira most certainly can. The wind also throws up “billowing clouds of dust”.

Corneille Noire: In an area that has grass? It is not impossible, I guess, but this area could certainly stand some more description. Either way, we have now reached the piece of the chapter I have wanted to do for quite some time.

Fumurti: Me too! I’m also quite sure that the following scene has never been given the kind of scrutiny we’ll be giving it. Bring it!

Corneille Noire: Eragon squints and looks for Saphira. (Oh, now he does something to not get dust in his eyes?) She lands “heavily” and crouches, “clenching the ground with her talons”. That is one way to deal with going too fast: just slamming into the ground. That aside, this seems perfectly fine to me. She is on the ground now and can brace herself against it if necessary. We are told that the wind reaches her “just as she start[s] to fold her wings”. So there is still no problem.

Then we get this:

With an angry yank, it unfurled them and dragged her into the air.

Fumurti: What. Let me see what’s wrong with this…

First, how can the wind “unfurl” her wings? She has begun to fold them, after all, and she is standing directly downwind. The wind doesn’t blow directly into either of her wings, so even if it were blowing very hard, I doubt it would “unfurl” them so neatly. If it were to blow directly into both of her wings, the wind would need to go in two different directions in an area the size of Saphira.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 37

Second, how does the wind “yank” on her? That would mean that the wind increases in speed quite a bit within a quite small space, which I again do not believe.

Third… this is a wind of gale force! That is simply not strong enough to tug on her wings like that! She should be able to fold them, with some difficulty, yes, but it should work nonetheless!

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 38

Corneille Noire: Then there is also Saphira “being dragged into the air”. Never mind that she is gripping the ground and crouching, which would make it quite a bit more difficult. Also, she is standing downwind, so the wind would blow against the back of her wind, which means they do not produce quite as much lift as upwind.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 39

Also, why is Saphira not doing anything? If she is being lifted into the air, why does she not drive herself down or roll to one side?

Ill Logic: 278

And, again, this is a gale-force wind. How is it dragging her into the air??

Fumurti: Saphira hangs in the air for a moment, “suspended by the storm’s force” and then slams down on her back?

Corneille Noire: The Knopf edition says the wind does that. As for the content… I do not see at all why she is not moving when she is in the air. Is she supposed to be just hanging limply in the air? Even if she were overwhelmed, which I can see happen, would she not be moving, at least?

Ill Logic: 279

There is simply no reason why she could not fly away unscathed from this.

Fumurti: And then we have Saphira being thrown on her back. I have no idea how that’s supposed to have happened, since she was hanging there normally just before. Was she supposed to have flipped herself, then? It just does not make sense.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 40

Corneille Noire: This wind feels more like it is some kind of sentient being than an actual wind, like this is a spirit, for example, messing with the wind to toy with Saphira. That is the only thing that makes sense to me.

Fumurti: Or maybe the “wild magic” we will hear of later? Regardless, there must be something magical going on here, because wind simply doesn’t work this way.

Well, Eragon reacts to this! He turns Cadoc around and his him gallop up the trail, “goading the horse with both heels and mind”. He shouts at Saphira that she needs to try to “stay on the ground” and that he is coming.

Corneille Noire: Never mind that that should not be a problem…

Fumurti: He feels a “grim acknowledgement” from her. Then Cadoc balks at being so close to Saphira, so Eragon dismounts and runs toward her. His bow then bangs against his head. …Why do we need to know that and how did that work? He is blown off balance by a “strong gust”, falls and lands on his chest.

Corneille Noire: If that is a “strong gust”, how can Saphira be blown around? Those gusts would have to be much stronger than this.

Fumurti: Eragon gets up again, “ignoring the deep scrapes in his skin”.

1) How did he get these “scrapes”? From rocks and pebbles on the ground? I guess so, but I really wouldn’t have thought those were there. You do need to describe the environment, Paolini.

PPP: 763

2) Isn’t he wearing a shirt, then? I’d have expected some comment about his shirt getting torn or something, but this makes it sound like he’s bare-chested.

PPP: 764

3) And these “scrapes” will go completely ignored from this point on, too! They won’t need to be bandaged, he won’t feel any pain from it, nothing!

PPP: 765

Corneille Noire: Well, now he is only “three yards” from Saphira, but he cannot get closer “because of her flailing wings”. We are told she struggles to fold them “against the overpowering gale”. If she if flailing around like this, she is clearly not doing a very good job of it. Also, how can Eragon stand here three metres away while Saphira is blown around? That simply does not work!

Ill Logic: 280

Eragon then runs at her right wing, meaning to hold it down, “but the wind [catches] her and she somersault[s] over him”. The spines on her back just miss his head.

 

If the wind can throw her over Eragon, Eragon, Brom, and the horses ought to be flying with the storm right now! Also, from the description, I get the feeling that Eragon did not duck when Saphira flew overhead. Does he have any reactions to this?

 

Fumurti: I’m just trying to figure out how the wind is “supposed” to do this. Did the wind get below her belly and throw her that way? I don’t know how else it could happen. We are then told that Saphira is clawing at the ground, “trying to stay down”. So… she just rolled herself upright then?

PPP: 766

Corneille Noire: Also, we just heard that she was doing this. What would have been the trouble in writing “Saphira clawed at the ground again”? Either way… shall we go through the next paragraph in its entirety?

Fumurti: That seems like a quite good idea!

Her wings began to lift again,

Corneille Noire: Then put your wings down, you idiot! The wind did not sever the nerves to your wings, after all!

Ill Logic: 281

Fumurti: Also, what’s to stop her from just rolling onto her side and folding one of her wings that way?

but before they could flip her,

Fumurti: The self-published edition says “flip her over” here. Why would her wings be able to “flip” her? If that is supposed to mean she is being thrown upside-down, that still can’t be because of the wind, because it’s coming from in front, not below her!

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 42 (for now and the somersault)

Corneille Noire: Come to think of it… why did she not fold her wings when she lay on her back and then tried to get upright?

Ill Logic: 282

Eragon threw himself at the left one.

Fumurti: Yes… I think this makes sense. Eragon is facing Saphira, and he first goes to her right wing, which would also be right for him… Then she is now lying to the left of him, so her left wing would indeed be closest. Blegh, the poor blocking has me doubting everything here.

The wing crumpled in at the joints and Saphira tucked it firmly against her body.

Corneille Noire: Well, that went very smooth. Why can Saphira do this with Eragon’s help and not on her own again? Also… if her wing “crumples in”, there is something quite wrong with it.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 43

Eragon vaulted over her back and tumbled onto the other wing.

Fumurti: He just jumped over Saphira? He thought he could do that and he managed to do so? While he was standing next to Saphira? I highly doubt he would have enough speed to jump over her like this.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 44

Without warning it was blown upward, sending him sliding to ground.

Corneille Noire: No, it cannot be “blown upward” this easily, since Eragon is lying on her wing! That is much harder!

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 45

And how is he sent “sliding to ground”? Her wing was supposed to have “lifted”, after all, so if it is being blown upward, then he would roll back toward Saphira, not toward the ground!

PPP: 767

Fumurti: And yes, it really reads “sliding to ground” in both editions.

PPP: 768

He broke his fall with a roll, then jumped up and grabbed the wing again. Saphira started to fold it, and he pushed with all his strength. The wind battled with them for a second, but with one last surge they overcame it.

Corneille Noire: At least this feels like a reasonable amount of effort to expend on this. I do wonder at “surge”; that seems like a strange word to use here.

Fumurti: Finally they’ve overcome the wind spirit! This was so very ridiculous to see.

Eragon leans against Saphira for a bit, and asks if she is all right. He can “feel her trembling”. She answers after a moment, saying that she thinks so, and “sound[ing] shaken”. She does not think that anything is broken (as if that’s the only hurt that counts), and that the wind wouldn’t let her go, and she couldn’t do anything.

In the self-published edition adds that the wind “just kept pushing” and she kept trying to fold her wings, but it did no good.

Corneille Noire: Yes, that is why she was tossed in all kinds of different directions: because it only “pushed”. Well, Saphira says that she was “helpless”, and then shudders and falls silent. I do like that she is actually vulnerable here, especially given how little she wants to pretend she is not later on.

Fumurti: Indeed, and I’d expect this to be especially scary, because it completely violates how wind should work. Hmmm, I do wonder… Do you think this counts as Saphira getting damseled?

Corneille Noire: I think not, actually. After all, she is hardly the only one who gets into trouble like this; Eragon will constantly need to be rescued after this, for example. This is also one of the only times this ever happens to her, and this is clearly shown to be something beyond her control… I just feel more like it is there to create some “danger” for the group, no matter how little sense it makes.

Fumurti: Yeah, that makes sense, not least because I want something to happen at this point, too, just not this mess.

Eragon has a concerned look at her and tells her not to worry, because she is “all right now”. That’s quite presumptuous of you, Eragon.

Corneille Noire: The Knopf edition has Eragon says that she is “safe”, which is rather more reasonable. Eragon sees Cadoc a bit away, “standing with his back to the wind”. He mentally instructs Cadoc to go to Brom, and then gets onto Saphira. She “creeps” up the road, “fighting the gale” while Eragon hunches over on her back.

Fumurti: When they get back to Brom, he looks at Saphira “with concern” and asks if she is hurt. And why can’t he ask her that himself…? Oh right, that would be ‘rude’. I think treating her like she can’t understand his questions is also rude, but what do I know?

Eragon shakes his head and “dismount[s]”. …He literally just called Saphira his “mount”! I already know that will be quite a problem later on, but I’d never thought he’d say it out loud! (Yes, I have not gone through this book earlier, I know.) He is supposed to see her as an equal; saying she is his “mount” is simply not compatible with that.

Just Break Up Already: 251

Well, Cadoc trots over to him and nickers, and Eragon strokes his cheek before mounting him. That’s nice!

Corneille Noire: Brom then points out at “a dark curtain of rain” that is coming toward them in “rippling gray sheets”. Eragon pulls his clothing tighter and winces as they get caught in the rain. It is noted to be “cold as ice” and before long, they are “drenched and shivering”. It is the middle of winter, after all.

We then get a bit of description of lightning in the sky.

Fumurti: The self-published edition notes (and I’m getting a little sick of bringing that up) that lightning flashes in the clouds far above, which sends “crackling booms rolling across the prairie”.

Corneille Noire: The Knopf edition also say that lighting “streak[s] across the horizon”, followed by “peals of thunder”. At least this is not redundant. We are told this is “beautiful, but dangerously so”, as the lighting ignites fires in the grass, which are extinguished by the rain. Hmm, is this from omniscient perspective? It feels like it…

Forgot the Narrator: 40

Fumurti: I also love how calm they seem to be about being in a thunderstorm. There’s always a chance they might get hit, after all. That aside… I do like the description we have here.

Eventually the thunderstorm goes away, “leaving their small party in peace”. They can see the sky, and the setting sun, which “glow[s] with brilliance”. Um, I don’t think the setting sun actually looks like that?

Like Coins Bounced off a Drum: 4

Let me quote the rest of the description, then:

As beams of light tinted the clouds with blazing colors, everything gained a sharp contrast: brightly lit on one side, deeply shadowed on the other. Objects had a strange sense of mass; grass stalks seemed sturdy as marble pillars. Ordinary things took on an unearthly beauty, making Eragon felt like he was sitting inside a painting.

 

Corneille Noire: And I see mine is roughly the same, so I will not quote it. Hmmm, I can see what Paolini is going for, and I like it quite a bit, too, but it is described very clumsily.

Fumurti: I can see it too, and I like the concept of “things look beautiful at sunset after a thunderstorm”. So let me nitpick, then. How can objects have a “sense of mass”? When has Eragon seen “marble pillars”? How does he know enough about paintings to imagine sitting in one?

Forgot the Narrator: 42

PPP: 768

Corneille Noire: I think I would rewrite the “sense of mass” bit as “Objects seemed uniquely massive”. Come to think of it, that sentence does not make much sense, since mass has nothing to do with sturdiness.

PPP: 769

I want to like this, but it is just so incompetently written! Either way, the earth now smells fresh, which clears their minds and makes them happy. Saphira stretches and “roar[s] happily”. The horses “skitter[] away” from her, but Brom and Eragon “smile[] at her exuberance”. …I thought they were mounted? Are they still on the horses, then? Or did they dismount? It seems more likely to me that they would smile at this if they are not on the skittering horses.

 

Fumurti: Yeah, this could be a bit clearer. Also, I don’t mind that she does so. Who’s going to hear them when they are in the middle of the empty plains? And, as I’ve already explained, it doesn’t matter much what they do; they’ll be found out about anyway.

Well, while there’s still light, they stop in a “shallow depression”. They’re too exhausted to fight, so they go “straight to sleep”. There the chapter ends.

Protagonist Unconsciousness: 8

Corneille Noire: What a boring slog of a chapter this was. We have learned which direction the Ra’zac went in, we know that they need to be careful with their water, and then there is a thunderstorm? As I said, it reads like a travelogue, but there is too little description of the environment for it to even be that.

Fumurti: It’s also just… emotionally flat. Sure, the first half has some emotion, with Eragon wanting revenge on the Ra’zac, but the second… well, Saphira is shaken by the storm, and that’s it. The storm itself doesn’t make the chapter much better, because of how completely implausible it is and how no one is surprised at it.

Corneille Noire: This whole chapter could probably have been condensed to some paragraphs and merged with the next one. Well, that is this one done, at least! I will do the next chapter by myself, then. Until then!

Fumurti: And you will hear back from me about what I want to do with the self-published edition, too. Until then!

A Better Commando Name	15
All the Isms	14
Edgy Equals Mature, Right?	4
For the Good of the Cause	14
Forgot the Narrator	42
FYRP	48
Give Me a Piece of Your Mind	2
Ill Logic	282
It's Like We're Smart But We're Not	44
IYES	27
Just Break Up Already	251
Like Coins Bounced Off a Drum	3
Morals for Thee But Not for Me	9
No-Wave Feminism	61
No Touchy	7
PPP	769
Olympic Finals in Conclusion Leaping	6
Thou Art Well Come	2
What Dragons?	318
Cliffhanger Chop	2
Mid-Scene Break	0
Other Ending	7
Protagonist Unconsciousness	8
Single-Purpose Chapter	5