Stalking Darkness - Chapters Twenty-Two and Twenty-Three

[kalinara]

So last time, Nysander had very bad timing, Seregil lost a spy, and the villains gained some important information.



So this time, we get to see what the heck Nysander's summons is about. He's apologetic enough for interrupting the boys at their job, but insists there's no other choice.

Nysander leads them down servant's quarters, using some kind of spell that makes them unnoticed. Their destination is an audience chamber. And inside, with some other people, is the Queen.

He’d seen Queen Idrilain only once before, but he recognized her at once among the small knot of people gathered around a wine table at the center of the room. Phoria sat at her left with several other people in Skalan court dress. To Idrilain’s right sat a man and two women dressed in a fashion he’d never seen before.

All three wore tunics of soft white wool accented only by the polished jewels glowing on their belts, torques, and broad silver wristbands.

Two of them, the man and the younger woman, wore their long dark hair loose over their shoulders beneath elaborately wrapped head cloths. The older woman’s hair was silvery white, and on her brow was a silver circlet set with a single large ruby in a fan of blade-shaped gold leaves.

Interestingly, Seregil is looking particularly anguished. Alec sees why when the younger woman looks their way: she's Aurenfaie. And when Alec tries to reach for Seregil's shoulder, he can feel him trembling before he's shrugged away.

Nysander fills them in: the Plenimarian Overlord died. There are rumors of secret alliances between Plenimar and Zengat, the Aurenfaie's enemy. They "translocated" their delegation here tonight.

Now the reason that Nysander called them was because the Iia'sidra, not explained here yet, but IIRC it's some kind of Aurenfaie governing body, granted permission for Seregil to speak with "her" briefly. Seregil marches into the offered room, expressionless.

Interestingly, Nysander had thought Alec should see the Aurenfaie too. Though he refuses to explain who "she" is, saying that it's for Seregil to tell.

So now we switch viewpoitn characters to Seregil. He's surprisingly self-conscious:

Seregil paced the small, well-appointed sitting room, one eye on the side door. And as he paced, he fought to maintain some semblance of inner calm. There was a looking glass on the wall and he paused in front of it, ruefully inspecting his reflection. His hair was tangled and windblown, and a week of puzzling over Rythel had left dark circles under his eyes. The old surcoat he’d thrown on that evening was frayed at the cuffs and one shoulder was torn.

Don’t I look the ragged outcast? he thought, giving the glass a humorless smile as he combed his fingers through his hair.

We understand why in a moment, when another face appears in the glass. She greets him as her brother, and it's not a euphemism or metaphor. This is Adziel. Seregil's oldest sister (and surrogate mother figure). He hasn't seen her in forty years. She seems equally overcome.

“All these years I’ve carried the image of that unhappy boy looking down at me from the deck that awful day,” she gasped, her own tears flowing freely. “O Aura, I missed seeing you grow into a man! Now look at you; wild as any Tirfaie and wearing a weapon in the presence of your kin.”

Aw. Seregil hadn't even thought of the weapon. He quickly unbuckles his sword belt to hang it over a chair. He says he'll try to remember how civilized people act. She asks when he'd ever been civilized. Aw.

She also brings letters: from their sisters and Seregil's old friends. Adzriel herself is a member of the Iia'sidra now, which Seregil notes isn't bad for someone who isn't yet one hundred and fifty. She admits that their family ties to Skala might be useful.

Seregil still has a bit of a chip on his shoulder, rather understandably. He asks what her companions make of "Seregil the Traitor" being praised by the Skalan Queen. But she says that the others are moderates and friends of hers.

There's politics talk. There are factions in the Aurenfaie. One wants to resume contact with Skala, others want to stay isolationist. Apparently the discovery of Corruth's body has helped tipped the scales toward Adzriel's group (reconnection types).

Aw, this is sad. Seregil asks if maybe that's why she's allowed to see him. She gets what he's really asking: no, his banishment isn't lifted yet. The time "isn't right".

Seregil is understandably bitter about that. He admits he was guilty, but asserts he was a child then, and he's done so much since. And he knows Skala better than any envoy. Adzriel asks the pointed question though about whose interests Seregil would be representing.

Adzriel really is sympathetic. She wonders if things haven't worked out for the best though:

“I’m not saying I’m glad you were taken from us, but in spite of all the loneliness and pain you must have known, I wonder if life among the Tirfaie doesn’t suit you better? Truly now, could you ever be content to sit under the lime trees at home, telling tales to the children, or debating with the elders of the Bokthersa Council whether the lintel of the temple should be painted white or silver? Think back, Seregil. You were always restless, always demanding to find out what lay over the next hill. Perhaps there’s some purpose in it.”

She's got a point, based on what we know of Seregil. Still there's a difference between being an exile and an ex-pat. Seregil might have liked going home for visits. But Adzriel is comforting.

Rising, she took his hands in hers. “I know you’ve paid for your mistakes. Believe me, I want your exile lifted, but you must be patient. Changes are coming for Aurenen, great ones. Make your stand here for now, in this dangerous, wonderful land of yours. What say you, my brother?”

Still frowning, Seregil muttered, “Silver.”

“What?” asked Adzriel.

“Silver,” Seregil repeated, looking up with the crooked grin that had always won her over. “Tell the elders of the Council I said the lintel should be silver.”

Adzriel laughed, a wonderful, radiant sound. “By Aura, Father was right! I should have beaten you more. Now where is this Alec i Amasa Nysander told me of? He interests me greatly.”

Seregil is surprised that she knows about Alec. Adzriel notes that she knows more than Alec does, it seems. AH. THIS is where this beat comes in. I remembered it, but not where and when.

Seregil is chagrinned but does not elaborate yet.

So we switch back to Alec. Seregil leads Adzriel to them, and Alec figures out who she must be right away. There's a strong resemblance, of course. (Though her lips are fuller and have none of the same hard set as Seregil's. Tell me more about what you've noticed about your mentor's lips, Alec?)

Anyway, Adzriel basically greets him like he's already Seregil's boyfriend:

“Nysander tells me you are my brother’s valued companion, a person of great honor,” she said, gazing earnestly into his face.

Alec felt his cheeks go warm. “I hope so. He’s been a good friend to me.”

“I am glad to hear such things said of him.” Bowing gracefully to him and the wizard, she stepped back toward the door. “I hope one day soon I may greet you all in my own land. Until then, Aura Elustri matron.”

Alec is too overwhelmed to notice. He DOES however notice when Adzriel, before departing, and Nysander both say pointed things to Seregil about Alec having the right to know. Seregil says he'll explain, but not here. And the chapter ends.

--

Fortunately this was a short chapter, so I don't have to leave it here.

So everyone's leaving the palace now. Seregil is shaken and sad. Alec's bewildered. Alec thinks about how he'd glimpsed a single tear rolling down Seregil's face. Because of course he's that dramatic. Alec had never imagined Seregil capable of weeping.

So they go to a wooded park behind the Street of Lights. They sit at the fountain and Seregil hands Alec a flask and says he'll need it. Alec, practical, says "Just tell me". Seregil, being the opposite, starts an anecdote instead:

Seregil was quiet for a moment, his face lost in shadow, then he gestured up at the moon. “When I was a child, I used to sneak out at night just to walk in the moonlight. My favorite times were in the summer, when people would come from all over Aurenen to the foot of Mount Barok. For days they’d gather, waiting for the full moon. When it rose over the peak, we’d sing, thousands of voices raised together, singing to the dragons. And they’d fly for us across the face of the moon, around the peak, singing their answering songs and breathing their red fire.

“I’ve tried to sing that song once or twice since I’ve been here, but do you know, it just won’t come? Without all those other voices, I can’t sing the Song of Dragons at all. As things stand now, I may never sing it again.”

Alec finally gets the full story of how he was exiled:

“Sent away? I was outlawed, Alec. Outlawed for treason and a murder I helped commit when I was younger than you.”

“You?” Alec gasped. “I-I can’t believe it. What happened?”

Seregil shrugged. “I was stupid. Blinded by my first passion, I allowed what I thought was love to cut me off from Adzriel and all the others who tried to save me. I didn’t know how my lover was using me, or what his intent really was, but a man died all the same, and the fault was rightly mine. The details don’t really matter—I’ve never told anyone else this much, Alec, and I’m not going to say more now. Maybe someday—At any rate, two of us were exiled. Everyone else was executed, except my lover. He escaped.”

I believe the "younger than you" is not literal. But elves age slower.

The other exile threw himself overboard with a ballast tone along his neck. Apparently most Aurenfaie exiles turn into suicides.

So what is the point of all this?

Seregil turned to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Alec, you’re faie.”

Alec's first reaction is disbelief. But then he thinks about Seregil's questions about his parents, Nysander's veiled remarks, the rumors that he and Seregil were related. Alec's father was, indeed, human. But his mother was from the Hazadrielfaie - a group of Aurenfaie that live beyond the Ravensfell Pass near where Alec was born.

He asks how Seregil knows this and if his mother could still be alive there.

Seregil explains what he knows about the Hazadrielfaie - they have very different ways than Seregil's people. They don't tolerate any outsiders. They kill half-breeds, along with the parents. Seregil thinks that Alec's mother's people must have hunted her down. Even if she'd gone back willingly, she'd have been killed.

So no. She's probably not.

Seregil doesn't know any of this for sure, of course, but it makes sense. At any rate, Alec's heritage is pretty undeniable. Seregil might have put his own perception down to wishful thinking, but Micum saw it right away. And the Oracle called him a "child of earth and light".

Alec is understandably pretty upset by this:

At that, a wave of anger burst up through Alec’s shocked numbness. Lurching to his feet, he rounded on Seregil, crying out, “Why didn’t you? All these months and you never said anything! It’s like that Wheel Street trick all over again!”

Seregil’s face was half black, half bone pale in the moonlight, but both eyes glittered. “It’s nothing like Wheel Street!”

“Oh, no?” Alec shouted. “Then what, damn it! Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Honestly, given the shit that Seregil pulls on a regular basis, Alec really ought to get angry more often. It's good to see.

This IS different though, because Seregil has Massive Issues, of course. He tries to explain:

“Because if I was wrong—” Seregil spread his hands helplessly. “It doesn’t matter. I’d been alone for a long time and I thought I liked it that way. I knew if I was right, and if I told you then, if you’d even believed me, then it might create a bond, a tie. I wasn’t willing to risk that either, not until I figured out who you were. Illior’s Hands, Alec, you don’t know, you can’t know, what it was like—“

“Enlighten me!” Alec growled.

“All right.” Seregil let out another unsteady sigh. “I’d been exiled from my own kind for more years than you’ve been alive. Any Aurenfaie who came to Skala knew who and what I was, and was under prohibition to shun me. Meanwhile, all my human companions age and die before my eyes.”

“Except Nysander, and Magyana.”

“Oh, yes.” Now it was Seregil who sounded bitter. “You know all about my apprenticeship with him, don’t you? Another failure, another place I didn’t belong. Then, from out of nowhere, comes you, and you were—are—“

I sympathize with Seregil here, but we do kind of touch on a trend with Seregil that I remember finding a bit annoying. Seregil has Issues, capital I. He's earned them and they're not his fault. But Seregil's issues always seem to take precedence over everyone else's. Particularly Alec's. This could just be a character flaw, but to be honest, the narrative does it too. There's a pretty egregious example that I recall from the end of this book.

Some of that can be put down to temperament. Alec's more practical and more inclined to ignore/downplay/repress his pain. Seregil isn't used to being a mentor figure and having to consider the needs of someone less experienced - especially when they've got Alec's level of composure. It can still be frustrating though.

Alec was tortured in his first scene and it was never really mentioned again. That's a little annoying when you think about it.

But anyway, Alec loses his anger at Seregil. He does get it. But now he's got something new to process. He's going to see everyone get old. Seregil says that it's not really a curse:

“Loneliness is a curse, Alec, and being an outsider. I don’t have a clue why the two of us ended up in the same dungeon cell that night, but I’ve thanked Illior every day since that we did. The greatest fear I’ve had is losing you. The second greatest is that when I finally did tell you the truth, you’d think it was the only reason I’d taken you on in the first place. That isn’t so, you know. It never was, not even in the beginning.”

It's kind of convenient that Seregil's definition of it being a curse centers around his experience and omits Alec's. But he is actually being pretty comforting here. And he encourages Alec to talk to Nysander or Thero. Seregil's always known he was faie, after all, but Nysander and Thero would have gone through similar feelings as Alec, when they first learn they have magic.

Alec asks what it means to be half. What's his lifespan, how old is he?

Seregil notes that faie blood from the mother tends to be stronger. Every half-faie he knows has lived as long as regular faie, though they mature more like humans. So Alec probably is the same age he thinks he is.

An interesting note is that if Alec's mother had had magic, Alec could have inherited it. Though Alec probably would have shown signs of it by now.

Would he? He's had a very narrowly-focused upbringing. From everything we heard, his father wasn't likely to encourage experimentation.

Anyway, Seregil cuts himself off to be emotional:

He trailed off suddenly and Alec felt him shiver. “Damn it, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. The longer I waited, the harder it got.”

Without giving himself time to evaluate the impulse, Alec turned and put both arms around Seregil, hugging him tightly. “It’s all right, tali,” he whispered hoarsely. “It’s all right now.”

Taken by surprise, Seregil hesitated a moment, then returned the embrace, heart beating strong and fast against Alec’s. A weary peacefulness came over Alec at the feel of it, and with it a whisper of pleasure at their closeness. From where they sat, Alec could see the glimmer of a few lanterns shining through the bare trees from the Street of Lights beyond. Seregil’s fingers were twined in his hair at the nape of his neck, he realized with a guilty start, the same way he’d touched the young man at Azarin’s a few short weeks ago.

First that strange, perception-altering night, he thought wearily, and now this. Illior’s Hands, if things kept up in this manner, he’d end up not knowing who he was at all!

Hah, poor Alec's figuring out he's both bi-racial and bisexual at the same time. Poor boy's bi-cycling at the moment. Heh.

It is however hard not to notice that Alec's crisis has turned into a moment to comfort Seregil. It's not that bad yet, but I'll revisit this later.

So the boys decide they've had enough excitement. And...uh oh.

“What about Rythel?”

“I guess Tym can keep an eye on things one more night. We’ll track him down in the morning.”

Ah, yeah. About that.

Anyway, Alec's cheering up. In the tales, after all, the orphans end up long lost heirs - either cooped up in a castle or slaying monsters. Alec, at least, gets to keep his job. The chapter ends here.