Eragon Prologue: How to Get Ambushed 101

[pangolin20]

Table of Contents | Chapter One

Well, today is the day I finally sit down and begin work on Eragon. A promise is a promise, after all.

So, first book, prologue.

I suppose I should summarise the chapter, so here goes: This chapter is from the point of view of Durza, a Shade (a sorcerer who’s been possessed by spirits), who has set up an ambush. The target is Arya, the not-really-princess of the elves, who currently transports the egg that contains Saphira, the only known (to most people) dragon egg not to be under Galbatorix’s control. So, Arya and her guards come along, Durza attacks, along with some goons, and they kill the guards. He captures Arya after some trouble, though not before she’s teleported the egg away with magic. And that’s it. Thankfully, it’s relatively short, especially compared to the later books.

So let’s begin, starting with the title.

PROLOGUE: SHADE OF FEAR

The title is good enough: not too long, not weird, and it relates well to the contents of the chapter. It only feels a bit overblown and clichéd. A better title might have been “The Shade Strikes”, or something like that. Considering some of the chapter titles that come down the line— *eyes chapter thirteen of Inheritance* —this one’s still mild.

And knowing the books, I can’t help but laugh at the description “Shade of Fear”. To be fair, in this prologue, he’s still relatively dangerous, but later on… let’s just say he becomes a bit harder to take serious.

I suppose I’d best take the spork to the opening paragraph, as it gives the first impression of a story, and as such, it’s not something you want to mess up. So… *pulls out spork* let’s have at it.

Wind howled through the night, carrying a scent that would change the world.

Well, this fails. That’s mostly because it’s completely generic: there’s no sign of with who we are, where the story is, what is happening, etcetera. It’s also not especially evocative, what with wind howling through the night being a quite generic description. The part about the scent is also stupid, as we don’t get to see what that scent is. A description of the scent could have improved this already. Last of all, the comment about the scent changing the world is just pretentious nonsense.

A tall Shade lifted his head and sniffed the air.

Ah, there’s Durza. Who, for some reason, is only named near the end of the book, even though we’re now in his perspective, so we could easily be given his name. I guess Paolini thought it would generate more mystery, but deliberately hiding things the characters already know barely works and is just a horrible idea. In this case, it adds precisely nothing to the story and just comes across as contrived.

On the other hand, throwing in the term “Shade” like this, without any further explanation, doesn’t work either. Okay, it does grab attention, but we only get an explanation of what they are near the end of the book, so having to wait that long for such information is just frustrating.

One thing I do like about this is that it establishes that Shades have a greater-than-normal sense of smell, which is a nice way to show that Durza isn’t a normal human. Too bad this never comes up again, though.

It’s still a much better opening sentence than the one we actually got, though.

He looked human except for his crimson hair and maroon eyes.

Oooh, a description! Not that bad, honestly, as it gives a distinct aesthetic for Durza, and, as we’ll find out later, Shades in general. The only thing that irritates me about it is the comment that he doesn’t look human because of “his crimson hair and maroon eyes”.

For one, it doesn’t necessarily work for the audience. Crimson hair and maroon eyes just don’t give off the same “non-human” signal as, say, a forked tongue or a third eye would. In part, that’s because Durza’s look isn’t that hard to replicate. Crimson hair is quite easy to make with hair paint, for example, and for maroon-looking eyes, coloured lenses could be feasible. So I’m not really inclined to look at crimson hair and maroon eyes and immediately decide: “can’t be human”.

For another, later books make it clear that appearance modifications and plastic surgery are quite known in Alagaësia. While Durza isn’t a very good magician, he still should be more than able to change something of his appearance, so for all we know at this point, he might as well be someone who wanted to have an interesting look.

And who would notice this? The crimson hair should be easy to pick out, although not at night, but the maroon eyes would be quite hard to distinguish from brown eyes at a distance, and anyone who would be close enough to notice, would likely already be killed by him.

A better thing to describe would have been his unnatural pale skin (which all Shades have), as that’s quite hard to achieve with non-magical means, and it’s also much more distinguishable.

Regardless, this seems like a good time to introduce my first count: IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO. Given how frequently Paolini forgets his own canon, and the amount of (unintentional) deception that goes down in the later books, it only seems prudent to indicate what is true and what isn’t. This count goes for all the times that the books state something that is not true, or most likely not true. So, for saying that crimson hair and maroon eyes would make Durza not look human, here goes:

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 1

So, that’s the first paragraph. Not all that good for a first impression, although it’s mostly because of bad writing and not something offensive.

And I just realised something else: why doesn’t Durza look like a normal human? He is Galbatorix’s most important employee (?), and as such I’d think it should pay off if he looked somewhat less conspicuous. For one, it would make his interactions with other people working for Galbatorix easier, as they wouldn’t have to be concerned with “Will he kill us all?. And for another, it would mean Durza could work as a spy, and could maybe double as an assassin. He could even have infiltrated Surda and tried to undermine the support network of the Varden! And it wouldn’t be that hard: if he was unwilling to change his appearance, or if it was impossible, he might put on a glamour charm. That would allow for even more versatility, and glamours should be possible, as per this bit:

The illusion that hid the slots from which the sheets of metal slid out was too well constructed for Eragon to pierce. This was as he expected—Galbatorix was not one to overlook such a detail. On the other hand, the enchantments responsible for the illusion were easy enough to detect, and by them he was able to determine the exact placement and dimensions of the openings.

~Inheritance, Chapter 64, “That Which Does Not Kill…”

(I will be referencing the other books quite often, just so you know.)

This becomes even more stupid later in this book, but that will have to wait until then.

For now, I’m giving it this:

ILL LOGIC: 1

This will count all the instances of bad logic in this series. While I don’t mind some illogical decisions in a book, these books are particularly bad at it, to the point the whole series is basically an Idiot Plot. To be fair, in some cases, Paolini does seem to be aware what he’s doing, and we are indeed supposed to see the things as illogical, but in other cases, there’s plain old Plot-Induced Stupidity, and quite often, he doesn’t even seem to realise that story elements are really stupid, such as is the case here.

Anyway, let’s get on with the story. Maybe I’ll even get angry before the chapter’s over!

The story takes place in Du Weldenvarden, the forest of the elves, by the way; something else that isn’t established until the end of this book.

Durza blinks in surprise at the scent and tells us “the message” has been correct, and “they” are here. It would certainly help at this point to know who Durza is waiting on, I’d think. I know that “they” are the elves who’re guarding Saphira’s egg, but someone who reads this for the first time can’t. Giving context really doesn’t hurt, Paolini. This continues as Durza wonders whether it’s a trap, and this just doesn’t work. At this point, putting in such questions as just confusing, as nothing has been established yet. For a first-time reader, there’s no indication what’s happening, and it’s just really bad form.

I’ll explain, because I try to be as unambiguous as possible in my recaps: I’m quite certain he’s received the message about the elves from spies in the Varden, specifically The Twins (yes, they’re really called that; no personal names). They would know about the transport of the egg, because Arya’s part of the Varden, and because they, as the lead magicians of the Varden, would probably be in a position to gain information about it.

I guess Durza thinks the elves might have set a trap, although I wonder why he’d think that. Only Arya and her guards have left Du Weldenvarden in the past hundred years, and even they don’t seem aware of Durza. Regardless, it’s good to see someone in this story actually consider the possibility of a trap, and not just blithely assume that everything will work out fine.

Then there’s this:

He weighed the odds, then said icily, “Spread out; hide behind trees and bushes. Stop whoever is coming . . . or die.”

-I like that he actually weighs the odds instead of charging into the situation and assuming that everything will be fine, which is something that is otherwise quite absent from these books, so treasure it while it lasts, I’d think. Still sad that the ostensibly villain is more competent than the supposed protagonist.

- I also love how Durza’s orders are spoken “icily”. Could he be… evil? In fact, now I get to introduce another count: WHEN YOU’RE EVIL, one of Mervin’s counts, in fact. The reason I included it is that the (ostensible) villains of these books are often overblown and stereotypical, as with Durza here. And it doesn’t stop in the later books either:

Varaug:

The color had vanished from the man’s skin, leaving him bone white. His hair, which had been brown, was now bright crimson, and when he looked at Eragon and smiled, Eragon saw that his eyes had become maroon. In every aspect of appearance and bearing, the man resembled Durza.

“Our name is Varaug,” said the Shade. “Fear us.” Arya kicked at him, but her blows seemed to have no effect.

~Brisingr, Chapter 57, “Shadow of Doom”

Galbatorix:

Before either side could gain the advantage, Galbatorix, who seemed entirely unaffected by the invisible struggle, said, “Come out, my dears, and meet our guests.”

[…]

“Isn’t she charming?” asked Galbatorix, lifting the girl’s chin with one long finger. “Such large eyes and such pretty hair. And isn’t he a handsome young lad?” He put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Children, it is said, are a blessing to us all. I do not happen to share that belief. It has been my experience that children are every bit as cruel and vindictive as adults. They only lack the strength to subjugate others to their will.

~Inheritance, Chapter 66, “The Name of All Names”

Sarros:

“There you are, Tornac of the Road,” said a sly, slithering voice that made the hair on the back of Essie’s neck prickle. A man stepped forward between the tables. He was thin and stooped, with a patched cloak draped over his shoulders and ragged clothes underneath. Rings glittered on his fingers.

Essie took an instant dislike to the man. He smelled of wet fur, and something about the way he moved and looked gave her a warning feeling in her gut.

~The Fork, the Witch, and the Worm, Chapter II, “A Fork in the Road”

I’ll get to all of that in due time, but for now, I’ll give it this:

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 1

-It certainly would have been nice to know who Durza’s talking to before this point. (It’s twelve Urgals, by the way, who by this point are mostly knock-off Orcs.) In fact, I’m starting up another count: PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE. This count is for all the times when an editor should have been there, ranging from blatant spelling errors to Paolini forgetting his own canon to completely useless chapters. Obviously, I’m not an editor, but I think I can still spot a lot of problems. So, for the confusing upset of the opening:

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 3

-The actual orders, then. “Spread out” is sensible enough, but hiding behind trees and bushes… While that could work if Durza wanted to ambush humans, it won’t work as well with elves, because they’ve got excellent night vision and a great sense of smell, so they should be able to notice the Urgals quite easily, if they paid a bit of attention. Hiding behind bushes seems especially pathetic to me.

-That last line is just pure ham. “Stop whoever is coming… or die”. Could it be any clearer that Durza is eeevil?

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 2

-Another point: “whoever is coming”. That really gives me the impression that Durza hasn’t told the Urgals who they’re going to ambush, which is just a terrible idea, especially considering that the elves have much sharper senses and are more nimble than the Urgals. Would it be so hard to at least prepare the people you’re planning to set the ambush with? Is the least bit of competence that hard?

ILL LOGIC: 2

-My last point concerns the ellipsis. An odd stylistic thing in this series is Paolini’s propensity for ellipses, which isn’t a bad thing in itself, except that they’re often unnecessary, and sometimes are used quite strange. A good example of the latter is what I call the “ellipsis splice”, like here:

He took out the sword . . . weighed it in his hands.

~Eragon, Chapter 38, “Diamond Tomb”

The ellipsis here functions basically the same as a comma in a comma splice, and I’ve not really seen this elsewhere. So, to keep track of how often the ellipsis pop up, there’s another count:

I’M TRYNA CATCH MY BREATH MY BREATH: 1

On to the next paragraph!

Around him shuffled twelve Urgals with short swords and round iron shields painted with

black symbols. They resembled men with bowed legs and thick, brutish arms made for

crushing. A pair of twisted horns grew above their small ears. The monsters hurried into

the brush, grunting as they hid. Soon the rustling quieted and the forest was silent again.

~Eragon, Prologue, “Shade of Fear”

Let’s do this line-by-line:

Around him shuffled twelve Urgals with short swords and round iron shields painted with

black symbols.

Woo. We can finally see who Durza was speaking to! I also love how they’ve just got swords and shields, like they’ll stand any chance against an elf. And I get having disposable forces, but in this case, it seems more likely they would give Durza away prematurely rather than contribute anything.

I also like the “black symbols” on their shields. Going on later context, they’re probably clan crests, but here, it looks like this:

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 3

Cause that’s what you do when you’re eeeevil, right? Decorate your stuff with eeevil black symbols, right?

Keep in mind, too, that they’re only said to have swords and shields.

They resembled men with bowed legs and thick, brutish arms made for crushing. A pair of twisted horns grew above their small ears.

Start off with the good, I suppose. The description is nicely succinct, especially compared to the later books, and it gives a “good” image. The only problem is that their grey skin isn’t mentioned, which is quite a big omission. If this is omniscient, which it really looks like, there’s no reason no to mention it. Even if this is Durza’s POV, he should be able to see their skin colour just fine, as the next paragraph establishes that he’s got good night vision. Even if he can’t do colour vision at night, it still should be visible. You know what, call it spite, but I’ll give it this:

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 4

As for the bad… well, there’s a lot. Mainly that the descriptions that are applied to the Urgals seem designed to make them look inhuman and evil. Let’s go through them:

“resembled men”: This is the first thing I don’t like, because it sets up a comparison to humans, and the only attributes listed are those that are different from humans, which implicitly posits them as different and deviant. What doesn’t help either is that this kind of description is often given for monsters or demons in fiction, which is a horrible description for people who are shown as being, at most, a different culture from humans.

“bowed legs”: This literally is never mentioned again as an attribute, so it’s already suspect from the start. And furthermore, it doesn’t really make sense for them to have bowed legs, considering that we see Urgals walking perfectly normal during the rest of the series, and even these Urgals are perfectly capable of running quite quick, which I think would be somewhat hard with “bowed legs”. So there you go:

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 2

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 5

The main reason I’m uncomfortable with this is that I’m quite sure that we’re supposed to see the bowed legs as a sign that the Urgals are corrupted or degenerated in some way. Although the text may not say so, the association is there, at least for me.

“thick, brutish arms”: Well, “brutish” speaks for itself, I’d say. It’s another way to paint them as uncivilised, even though they aren’t.

“made for crushing”: This is a bit subtler. It implies that they’re no good at things subtler than crushing things, and thus are unrefined and brutal. And, of course, it also implies that they often crush things, which only adds to the “brutish and primitive” impression.

Of course, none of those things is actually true, as we see Urgals be capable of quite delicate work, such as weaving and such, and I honestly can’t remember if there’s ever an Urgal who crushes someone or something with their arms.

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 3

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 6

“small ears”: Although this isn’t as explicit as the previous ones, because of that, it still feels like we’re supposed to see their small ears as somehow being degenerate or something.

In general, it’s a horrible way to introduce the Urgals. If they had indeed turned out to be corrupted humans or the like, this description might have been warranted, although, knowing Paolini, it probably would have turned out problematic in the end. But in this case, the Urgals are just a different species from humans, not at all “inherently evil”, so it’s completely unwarranted, and, frankly, quite disgusting.

It's even worse because this will keep going for the entirety of Eragon and the greatest part of Eldest, where they’re constantly referred to as monsters and we’re supposed to be completely on board with killing them. And even though at the end of Eldest, the Urgals are abruptly represented as people with their own culture, it doesn’t stop there. For example, there’s constant negative comments about how they smell, they’re sometimes referred to as “creatures”, they’re constantly excluded from discussions about the strategy of the Varden, and in general they’re presented as some kind of Native American-coded “noble savages”, complete with totem poles.

And this forms the introduction to another count: YOU RACIST BASTARDS. This goes mainly for the treatment of the Urgals, but also for the treatment of the dwarves, for example.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 5 (for each of the phrases I highlighted above)

The monsters hurried into the brush, grunting as they hid. Soon the rustling quieted and the forest was silent again.

“Monsters”. Well, that’s exactly the impression their description gave.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 6

Doesn’t mean that I don’t hate it, though. And I also get the feeling that the Urgals’ grunting is also supposed to be a sign they’re inhuman. Because it couldn’t be they hate being in the middle of a forest in the middle of the night, without much of an idea what they’re doing, for example.

To be fair, this might just be because we’re in Durza’s POV, except that a) the introduction still is really bad and b) we’re supposed to agree with this, as they’re always made out as evil and inhuman in this book. Even if Paolini didn’t mean it, the message is still there, and it’s still a very bad idea.

I think that’s enough for now; I’ll have much more to talk about later on.

So Durza (who’s still referred to as “The Shade” for whatever reason) peeks out from behind a tree and looks up the trail. And again, it hasn’t been established yet that there was a trail, so it shouldn’t just be called “the trail”.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 7 (Call me spiteful, but this just needs to be established.)

It’s apparently so dark no human can see, but Durza can see perfectly fine in the faint moonlight; he can see every detail clearly. And this is actually nice, as it shows that Durza is not entirely human and that he’s got very good night vision, and it also establishes a bit of his threat level.

He stays “unnaturally quiet” (if you say so), and we’re told he’s holding a “long pale sword”. (This sword doesn’t serve any purpose other than to identify Durza with at the end of the book.) There’s also a very thin scratch on the blade, which *spoilers* was put there by the current leader of the Varden, Ajihad, when he tried to kill Durza 17-ish years ago. We’re told that the sword is so thin it fits between two ribs, but also strong enough to hack through the strongest armour.

A few points:

- It would have been nice to be told about the sword earlier, like when he was described first. As is, the scattered description makes forming an image a bit hard.

- The description is really clunky. The bit about the scratch on the sword is its own sentence, for example.

- Durza’s sword is quite certainly magical, or at least has been treated with magic, as a normal sword can’t be both very thin and very strong. Too bad we never get any indication where he’s got it from.

- I have no idea what kind of perspective this chapter’s supposed to be in. It’s mostly third-person perspective from Durza, but certain bits, like the descriptions, seem to be from omniscient, which is quite jarring, as the later books are always from third-person.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 8

- And why has Durza pulled out his sword already? I get that he thinks that the elves will soon arrive, but it still seems like he doesn’t have a scabbard or such, which would be a bit silly.

The story goes into story mode for a bit, as we’re told that the Urgals can’t see as well as Durza (duh), so they grope around “like blind beggars”, and fumble with their weapons.

Why bother to take them with you, then?? If they can barely see their weapons, you don’t have any guarantee they’ll be able to do anything with them when the elves arrive! And how are they supposed to see the elves well enough to be able to hit them, especially since they don’t know what the elves look like? At this rate, they might even hit you!

ILL LOGIC: 3

How very threatening Durza is.

Another thing: I don’t really like the “like blind beggars” simile. It’s unwarranted for the situation and it just doesn’t sit right with me. So, here’s another count: DRAGON PROBLEMATYKKS. This is for problematic stuff that isn’t serious enough to warrant another count.

DRAGON PROBLEMATYKKS: 1

Some owl screeches, then. *perks up* Always nice to see birds. Everyone stands still until the owl has flown past, which I think nicely highlights how tense they are. The Urgals shiver in the night; they’re still referred to as monsters, by the way.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 7

Anyway, one of them snaps a twig (they’re in a forest, after all) and Durza “hisse[s] in anger”. First off, it’s a bit redundant to say Durza is angry. Second, I really can’t take him serious when he’s hissing at people. Are we really supposed to take that as threatening?

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 4

The Urgals are still intimidated by this and they “[shrink] back, motionless”. I get what Paolini’s trying to say: that they shrink back while trying to stand still, but it’s badly written.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 9

Durza suppresses his distaste, because the Urgals apparently smell “like fetid meat”, and looks at the trail again. And why do the Urgals smell like fetid meat? This never comes up again, so it gets this:

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 10

More on-topic, the only way they could smell of fetid meat that I could think of is if they had eaten fetid meat shortly before, which seems unlikely to me. Honestly, given the previous descriptions of the Urgals and the fact that this never comes up again, it seems like another sign that they’re supposed to be evil.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 8

And there’s another point. Even though I don’t think the Urgals stink all that much, they will still smell at least a bit, and Durza will, too. Given that the elves have a very good sense of smell, they should be able to pick up on that, and the presence of a dozen or so Urgals in Du Weldenvarden should alarm them that something is wrong.

To be fair, the wind now blows away from the elves, but still, it’s not something to rely on.

ILL LOGIC: 4

Durza then thinks eeevilly that “[t]hey [are] tools, nothing more.”

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 5

Although this addition makes it look like Durza actually does care for the Urgals and has to remind himself not to care about them. Interesting…

Everyone waits for minutes and then hours, while Durza forces back his impatience. Well, that’s another thing Durza does better than the so-called heroes. We’re told the scent must have (somehow) wafted far ahead of the elves. I guess it’s possible, but it still seems a bit far-fetched to me. Regardless, Durza doesn’t let the Urgals get up or warm themselves. Because he’s eeeeeeevil.

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 6

But it’s also not a great thing to do in preparation for an ambush, as the Urgals don’t have super-strength and fitness and will be quite stiff after staying still for hours, which is something that’s not great when they’re expected to be able to attack the elves.

ILL LOGIC: 5

Durza doesn’t get up or warm himself either, and stays behind the tree (I really get the image of a small child peeking out from behind a tree), while he looks down “the trail”. The trail that wasn’t mentioned before.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 11

Then another gust of wind comes blowing, and Durza notices the smell is stronger. (Could something finally be happening?) He gets excited and “lift[s] a thin lip in a snarl”.

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 7 (for the snarling)

It’s taken 360 words before this point, by the way.

Durza whispers at the Urgals to get ready (hope they hear you). Apparently his whole body “vibrat[es]”. Right. I don’t think that means what you think that it means, Paolini. We’re told the tip of Durza’s sword moves in small circles, and I can’t help but feel it’s a bit overwritten.

Anyway, Durza tells us it’s taken “many plots and much pain” to get here. I would really like to know what those plots were, because we never get to see them. Time for another count: MISSING PUZZLE PIECES. This one’s for all the times that things are not explained or that there’s holes in the worldbuilding. Here, for example, it would quite help to understand Durza and it would probably help understand the power relations in the Empire. And it would also be nice to know where Durza got these Urgals from.

MISSING PUZZLE PIECES: 2

He also says “it [will] not do to lose control now.” Fair enough, but why would he lose control now? What would happen, then? The best option I can think of is that he needs to keep the spirits within him under control, and if he gets too excited, they will try to take control? That would be awesome, but an answer would have been nice.

MISSING PUZZLE PIECES: 3

The Urgals pay attention, and we’re told they’ve got “thick brows”, which I’m quite dubious about.

DRAGON PROBLEMATYKKS: 2

They also grip their weapons tighter, while they’re referred to as “creatures”.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 9

I really begin to hate this. “Creatures” is also how they’ll often be referred to by the time Inheritance comes around. It never lets up.

Durza now hears a clink as something hard hits a stone, and then “faint smudges” appear and advance down the trail. Did the plot just show up? (Yes, it did.) So, it’s time for four paragraphs of description!

Three “white horses” with riders come cantering down the trail. Their heads are held “high and proud”, and their coats ripple in the light “like liquid silver”. This is our introduction to the elvish horses, which I’ll have more to say on when we’re properly introduced to them in Eldest.

For now, I can’t help but notice how clichéd they are. I’m reasonably sure that white, special horses are a staple of fantasy, and here they’re just that: included just because. There’s no reason that the elves actually need those horses, as they’re perfectly capable of running long distances without getting tired, and they could carry loads either by themselves or using magic. Those horses just seem to be there for show.

So here comes another count: EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK. This counts the clichés in these books. Obviously I can’t count everything, because there needs to be some text onscreen that isn’t this count, but I think the horses are egregious enough.

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK: 1

The part about the horses holding their heads “high and proud” is also painfully clichéd.

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK: 2

The first rider (Fäolin), gets described as “an elf with pointed ears and elegantly slanted eyebrows”. Very informative. Nothing about length, skin colour, eye colour, general appearance… Because who cares about that, right? The only further thing we get is that his build is “slim but strong, like a rapier.” He’s also got a “powerful bow” on his back (not that this matters). A sword “presse[s]” against his side (just say he’s got it in a scabbard) and he’s also got a “quiver of arrows fletched with swan feathers”. Well, he’s well-armed. Too bad nothing of this will matter, because he ~*~spoilers~*~ dies. One thing I’m dubious about is the swan feathers. It’s of course quite possible that those were simply scavenged from the forest, but I can’t shake the impression that the elves would kill swans simply for feathers they didn’t even need… This is why I denoted this rider as Fäolin, because Glenwing is later said to communicate with birds, and as such I don’t think he would be as comfortable with this. It’s mostly arbitrary, though.

On to Glenwing, the final rider. He’s got the same “fair face and angled features” as Fäolin. I don’t think it’s ever clear what those “angled features” are like; that would be nice to know. He’s got a “long spear” in his right hand and there’s a “white dagger” at his belt. How can the dagger be white? Seems like a weird colour for a dagger to have.

There’s also a “helm of extraordinary craftsmanship, wrought with amber and gold” on his head. Time for yet another count: THE PERFECT SPARKLY WAYS OF ELFDOM. This is for when the elves are held up as “perfect” or better than humans or other people. Here, for example, I count the part about “extraordinary craftsmanship”, because of course the elves are just that good at crafting helmets.

THE PERFECT SPARKLY WAYS OF ELFDOM: 1

And why bother taking such an expensive helmet with you when there’s the possibility of danger? You’re not exactly taking a stroll through the park, Glenwing.

ILL LOGIC: 6

Then we get to Arya. She’s described as a “raven-haired elven lady”. Just say she’s got black hair already. And I also love how we’re told Arya’s a “lady”. I guess Durza knows that she’s the not!princess, but we don’t know that he knows, so it comes across as more omniscient. She “surveye[s] her surroundings with poise”. Right. Not with attention or anything productive, but with poise.

Next sentence: “Framed by long black locks, her deep eyes shone with a driving force.” The description is awful. “Long black locks” is doesn’t fit with the relatively simple tone of the rest of the descriptions and we don’t need to be reminded that her hair is black. “Deep eyes”: how are they deep? Are they sunken back into her head, or are they metaphorically deep? “Eyes [shine] with a driving force”: What driving force? Her commitment to the Varden?

Of course, I’m reasonably sure that these phrases are only there to make Arya look ~*~special~*~. Time for another count (I swear they’ll let up after a while): CHRIS PAOLINI = ARIANA BLACK. This is for every time when Paolini’s writing looks more like that of a young fan-fiction writer, which wouldn’t be bad on its own, but it’s bad in a published novel. Three points, for each of the examples I picked out.

CHRIS PAOLINI = ARIANA BLACK: 3

“Her clothes were unadorned, yet her beauty was undiminished.”

-Why would her clothes be adorned? She’s actually being smart in not pulling on flashy clothing.

-More specialty, because Arya’s beauty is not diminished by unadorned clothes.

CHRIS PAOLINI = ARIANA BLACK: 4

-This description also feels uncomfortable because of that. Like Arya is more beautiful than other women, so she doesn’t need to put on adorned clothes to stand out, which is quite objectifying and sexist. Call it spite, but here’s yet another count: NO-WAVE FEMINISM. The count title says it all; I don’t think it will get very high, but it’s still worth keeping track of it.

NO-WAVE FEMINISM: 1

-She’s also the Love Interest, by the way. Quelle surprise.

We’re told there’s a sword at her side, and that she’s got a bow with a quiver on her back. (Only the sword will ever be relevant again, out of all the equipment the three elves have got.) She carries a pouch on her lap “that she frequently looked at, as if to remind her that it was still there.” Gee, could that possibly be relevant? I think it’s worth yet another count: SUBTLE FORESHADOWING. This is for every time the foreshadowing is less-than-subtle. Here, for example, Paolini makes a suspiciously big deal out of this pouch, which is about as subtle foreshadowing as waving a sign in front of the reader. And what do you know, this pouch contains Saphira’s egg.

SUBTLE FORESHADOWING: 1

I’ve got some more questions about this, though. First, why does Arya have the pouch on her lap? That seems like a very unsafe place for the egg to go, as it might easily fall off. Okay, she’s got super-reflexes, and the egg is quite sturdy, so it would probably survive, but it still doesn’t come off well, especially since Arya’s been doing this for fifteen years.

ILL LOGIC: 7

Next question: why is the egg only in a pouch? I’d think it would better be locked up in some kind of chest or the like, just to provide extra protection. Or maybe put some wards on the egg? Okay, those might not be “a thing” yet, but I don’t care. If you write it in later, it’s been there all the time, as far as I’m concerned. But seriously, the lack of any security measures whatsoever is very irresponsible.

ILL LOGIC: 9

To be fair, it does fit with how the elves are characterised in the rest of the series. They quite consistently don’t use safety measures or do very impractical things (like using spears with banners attached at the Battle of Urû’baen), so it seems like some kind of cultural thing. That fits in well with the way that the elves look down on the other races, too: their culture seems to be built about their perceived position as “superior race”. It would make sense if the reason that Arya and co. here haven’t used any more safety measures is that they don’t think anyone other than an elf or Galbatorix could possibly put them in any danger.

It would only have been nice if Paolini actually acknowledged that, and also showed that this was a really stupid decision. Instead, the elves are held up as paragons of virtue who can do nothing wrong, even when they clearly are.

And given that we’ve now reached the end of their description, I’d like to take a moment to discuss what the elves are doing. They’ve got Saphira’s egg, and they know Galbatorix wants to take the egg back and will not hesitate to act upon the chance to get it. They also know that Du Weldenvarden is not sealed from the outside world and that it is perfectly possible for agents of Galbatorix to get in. And, as we learn later, they’ve been doing this for fifteen years. What do they do? They ride on conspicuous horses in conspicuous clothing along a pre-existing trail without any security measures.

In short:

Now I’ll discuss it point-for-point.

First point: the elves aren’t camouflaged in any way whatsoever. As for magic, I’m quite sure they could have had Arya place some kind of glamour over them, as she’s an accomplished spellcaster, but no. Nor do they have any spells to keep them from being heard or smelled.

Assuming that they couldn’t use magic, for whatever reason, they still don’t have any camouflage, like forest-patterned clothing or anything. Instead, Glenwing has an extremely conspicuous helmet and everyone is clearly visible and identifiable.

ILL LOGIC: 10

Second point: the horses. They’ve chosen the most conspicuous horses possible, namely pure white horses, who will be stand out very much at night. And they also don’t bother to camouflage the horses in any way, shape or form.

ILL LOGIC: 11

Third point: why are they following a pre-existing trail? That’s a really stupid thing to do, especially if they would have done this for fifteen years, which seems… likely to me, as that would explain how Durza knows where to be in the first place.

ILL LOGIC: 12

But anyway, they don’t have to follow any trail at all:

They won’t let you fall unless you deliberately throw yourself off, and they are skilled in choosing the safest, quickest path through treacherous ground. The dwarves’ Feldûnost are like that.

~Eldest, Chapter 25, “The Dagshelgr Invocation”

Arya and co. could easily ride between the trees, where they would be harder to follow. That could have made for a legitimately tense chase scene. But no, they have to choose the most conspicuous way possible to go about things.

And, just for the hell of it, another count: DARWIN AWARD RECIPIENT. This goes for whenever the characters are being especially stupid, like here.

DARWIN AWARD RECIPIENT: 1

One last point: I’m not really glad about the horses. The elves put them in unnecessary danger by not taking any security measures, and the horses do indeed get killed soon. This isn’t addressed at any point, ever. This gets the following count: LOOK AWAY. This goes up any time something awful happens to which no one reacts or which the narrative expects us to gloss over.

LOOK AWAY: 3 (one point for each horse)

Back to the story at hand, either Glenwing or Fäolin speaks quietly, but Durza can’t hear what he says. So much for the vaunted super senses. Arya answers with “obvious authority”, and her guards switch places. Well, if it’s “obvious” that she’s got authority, why not show it? And I think they’ve got a least a hunch that something’s going on. Too bad they don’t follow through.

Glenwing now goes in the front, and he “shift[s] his spear to a readier grip.” We’re told the elves pass Durza’s hiding place and the first few Urgals “without suspicion”. I really don’t believe that. In this very same paragraph Arya told her guards (very quietly) to change places, and Glenwing prepared himself for fighting. Those are not things that I associate with “without suspicion”.

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 4

It almost feels unreal in how blatant a contradiction this is. And, sadly, this never gets any better.

Durza (who’s still called “the Shade”) already “sav[ours] his victory”--

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 8

--when the wind changes direction and blows at the elves, carrying the Urgals’s scent. And this is why bringing along the Urgals was such a terrible idea. Truly, Durza, you’re a villain for the ages.

The horses are suitably alarmed at this and toss their heads. The elves freeze up, look around anxiously, and wisely decide to turn around and run for it. A good choice, considering they don’t know who they’re up to and if they can win.

For some reason, Arya’s horse runs away much quicker than the rest, leaving her guards behind. Does Arya try to do something about this, either by reining in her horse or making her guards come to her? Nope. Which I think kind of defeats the entire purpose of having guards in the first place, especially since there’s no compelling reason for Fäolin or Glenwing to stay behind. No one even reacts to this.

ILL LOGIC: 13

The Urgals finally come out of hiding, stand and release “a stream of black arrows”. I love how we have to be told that the arrows are black; it’s probably because they’re eeeevil.

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 9

What I’m more concerned with, however, is where those arrows came from. Earlier on, they’re only said to have swords and shields, not bows or arrows, while they obviously must have had all along.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 12

If they’ve got bows, you’ve got to mention it! Don’t just shove this kind of stuff in, Paolini!

Durza (who’s still called “the Shade”) jumps out from behind his tree (jumpscare!), raises his right hand, and shouts “Garjzla!”.

And this is our first introduction to the Ancient Language, the main system of magic in Alagaësia. In principle, it should be as simple as saying what you want to happen, and then making it happen. Too bad it often doesn’t work as it should, because Paolini. Another “feature” is that the different phrases are often only translated in the glossary, which doesn’t make for a very smooth reading experience.

The word Durza uses here means “light”, by the way, and the “j” in the word is completely redundant.

Tip for conlangers: better not use silent letters. (ETA: Please ignore the previous comment.)

The spell shoots a “red bolt” from his palm toward Arya, which lights up the forest. Why couldn’t he have done this as soon as they rode into the ambush?

ILL LOGIC: 14

The bolt hits her horse, and the horse falls over “with a high-pitched squeal, plowing into the ground chest-first.” This was what I was talking about earlier: these horses die for no reason other than Arya, Fäolin and Glenwing’s stupidity. Does anyone ever care about this? Nope. Arya leaps off her horse “with inhuman speed” (she’s an elf, after all), lands lightly, and then looks back towards Glenwing and Fäolin.

No luck there, because they quickly get killed by the Urgals’s “deadly arrows”. I think this is supposed to be at the same time that Arya’s horse gets killed; otherwise the arrows must have flown through the air for very long. Not that the narration is clear about that, though.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 13

And well, the two elves have died. Sad, I guess. We only find out anything about them in Eldest, so it feels really hollow, and I also don’t feel extremely sympathetic towards them for endangering Saphira. There’s simply little reason for me to care at this point.

We get another line about how they fall from their horses, and their blood pools around them. The Urgals run towards them, and Durza screams: “After her! She is the one I want!”.

*facepalm* Yep, Durza didn’t bother telling the Urgals who of them they were looking out for. Little wonder that they went after Glenwing and Fäolin; in the absence of any other information, it would seem reasonable to just check the two elves who are already dead, because maybe they’d have some sort of thing that Durza wants with them.

ILL LOGIC: 19 (not communicating anything to the Urgals gets five points)

The Urgals (still referred to as “monsters”)—

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 10

--grunt and rush down the trail. Arya sees Glenwing and Fäolin lying dead, and “a cry [tears] from her lips.” I can really feel the raw emotion from this; can’t you? She takes a step toward them (despite the Urgals running toward her? Ah, I don’t really mind), then “curse[s] her enemies” and flees into the forest.

I’ve got to say that this part (crying out, setting a step towards her dead companions, and cursing her enemies), feels very clichéd.

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK: 3

The Urgals now crash through the trees, and Durza climbs a piece of granite that sticks out above them. A piece of granite that went totally unmentioned before.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 14

And why didn’t he use this piece of granite earlier??

ILL LOGIC: 20

He had literal hours to get on it, and it would have made his ambush a lot more successful, given that he’s got a much better overview than on the ground. Don’t shoehorn stuff like this in, Paolini!

And indeed, Durza can see all the surrounding forest. This is so stupid, I’ll give it this:

DARWIN AWARD RECIPIENT: 2

Durza raises his hand again and says “Böetq istalri!” Nice, another phrase without any context (it means “broad flames”, for the record). And a phrase with two spelling errors in it. First, Paolini says on his website that the letter “q” does not appear in the ancient language. And second, “istalri” is mostly spelled “istalrí”, with an acute accent.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 16 (Is it so hard, Paolini?)

The spell doesn’t miss its effect, as a quarter-mile section of the forest bursts into flames. Well, this certainly establishes his villain cred quite more effectively than with killing Fäolin and Glenwing. He continues burning the forest until there’s a “ring of fire” around the ambush site, a half-league (1.5 miles; 2.41 kilometers) wide around the ambush. It’s compared to a “molten crown” lying on the forest. (Or should I say, “crown of fire”?) He’s satisfied, but watches the ring carefully, in case it falters.

As I said above, I think this establishes Durza’s threat level quite well: he’s willing and able to destroy large parts of his surroundings even as “collateral damage”. The main problem I have with this is that this forest fire never comes up again, not even when it’s mentioned that Glenwing and Fäolin were found. It’s weird, and it also feels uncomfortably like Paolini just treats the forest like some kind of backdrop, like a stage prop that can be exchanged for an undamaged forest at any moment.

Which leads me into another count: USE ‘EM AS YOU WILL. This count mainly exists because a supposed theme of this series is “connection with/respect for nature”. This theme fails horribly, from the forest rape ritual that will appear in Eldest, to the fact that no one spares any kindness for undomesticated animals (and even then), except for one time in The Fork, the Witch and the Worm. The reason I assign a point here is the neglect to show any consequences of this fire, which clashes strongly with this supposed theme. And also I’m just irritated by authors treating forests as decors.

USE ‘EM AS YOU WILL: 1

Another thing that came to mind is how bizarrely broad the area is that Durza has enclosed. Assuming that Arya has a top speed of 40 miles/hour (64,4 km/h), it would take her a bit over a minute to run half a league. That seems like more than enough time for Durza to get onto the rock and set the forest on fire. I get not taking chances, but this is a bit excessive.

ILL LOGIC: 21

We’re now told that “[t]he band of fire thickened, contracting the area the Urgals had to search.” Why thank you, I could never have figured that out on my own, Paolini. Time for another count: HAND-HOLDING. The previous sentence isn’t a particularly bad example of it, but it’s still unnecessary to explain that the shrinking of the area that hasn’t burned means that the area that hasn’t yet burned becomes smaller. A smoother sentence might have been: “The band of fire thickened as the unburned area continued to shrink”.

HAND-HOLDING: 1

Suddenly, Durza hears shouts and “a coarse scream.” Guess that’s an Urgal, then. It’s apparently enough for them to be called “monsters” constantly, now their screams are also “coarse”.

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 11

He can see “three of his charges” fall mortally wounded into a pile. Very convenient they were standing that close together, then. I also wonder why Durza calls them “his charges”, as that implies that he views himself as having some kind of responsibility for them, and he’s only been shown to have disgust for them. I think it’s a matter of thesaurus abuse. He then catches a glimpse of Arya running from the remaining Urgals.

Arya now flees towards the piece of granite at lightning speed. Good to see it’s been fully integrated into reality by now. Durza examines the ground 20 feet (6,1 m) below, then jumps and lands before her. Sooo, those are some nice moves, Durza. Arya skids around and flees back to the path. We’re told that “black Urgal blood” drips from her hand and stains the pouch in her hand.

Wait wait wait, black blood?! This never comes up again! The only thing I can think of is that the blood looks black because it’s night, but that should have been told! And it’s especially important because this is our first impression of the Urgals!

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 17

The “horned monsters” come out of the forest—

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 12 (seriously, stop it, Paolini)

--and hem her in, “blocking the only escape routes.” Well, the only viable ones, but still, reasonably well done, Durza. Arya looks around in all directions to look for an escape, and when she finds none, “she dr[aws] herself up with regal disdain.” Don’t try to send Saphira’s egg away or something. No, being defiant to the last is more important. She’s such a shitty guardian.

ILL LOGIC: 22

I also wonder whether “regal disdain” is meant to foreshadow her being a princess. If so, it’s reasonably subtle.

Durza now approaches Arya with a raised hand, “allowing himself to enjoy her helplessness.” Because he’s eeeeeevil, right?

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 10

Also, Durza, if you can take the time to enjoy her helplessness, you can take the time to blast her to death.

ILL LOGIC: 23

It’s quite hard to take him all that serious when he does stuff like this. He tells the Urgals to “get her”. Yep, he’s sending the Urgals, who don’t have any training in magic, after her, instead of going himself.

ILL LOGIC: 24

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 11

When You’re Evil point because I’m quite sure telling the minions to get someone like this also fits.

The Urgals surge forward, and Arya pulls open the pouch, reaches into it, and lets it drop to the ground. Good to see she’s finally doing something, even though she’s overly complicated about it.

She now holds “a large sapphire stone that reflect[s] the angry light of the fires.” Yep, that’s Saphira’s egg. And Durza knows it’s Saphira’s egg, so describing it as a stone is really stupid.

In fact, it leads into this count: DEAD HERRINGS. Those are for the cases where the author tries to do a red herring, but fails often by insisting it can’t possibly be this. In this case, I think this qualifies, too, as Durza knows it is an egg, but Paolini deliberately withholds that information just to stretch out the mystery longer. Trust me, this count will skyrocket in the next few chapters.

DEAD HERRINGS: 1

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 5

Arya raises the egg over her head, for some reason, while whispering a spell. And by now the Urgals should have reached her already. Are they stuck in a cutscene or something?

Durza suddenly gets desperate, and again shouts “Garjzla!” This creates a “ball of red flame” that flies towards Arya, “fast as an arrow”.

“But he was too late.” Well, should have attacked her earlier, then. The whole physics of this scene don’t work, if you take a look at it. The Urgals seem to disappear into thin air for a while, for example.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 18

There’s a bright flash of emerald light, and “the stone” disappears. Because it’s absolutely a stone, people.

DEAD HERRINGS: 2

IT AIN’T NECESSARILY SO: 6

Who didn’t see this coming? Of course Arya manages to send Saphira’s egg away just in time. Ah well, at least the main story can begin then, and Saphira can spend at least the next four years of her life involuntarily bonded to Eragon, which is just so much better than possibly coming into care of the relatively well-meaning king.

That aside, the fireball “sm[ites]” Arya, and she collapses. Not sure that it was because of the fire ball; it’s quite possible that teleporting the egg drained her to the point of unconsciousness.

Also, this will be the last time we’ll really see her conscious until like five chapters from the end of the book. Fun.

Durza “howl[s] in rage” at the teleport trick (are we supposed to take him serious or not?), stalks forward, and “fling[s] his sword at a tree”. Well well, mister Shade has a tantrum. It’s almost embarrassing to witness. The sword sticks halfway through the tree and stays there, quivering.

He then shoots “nine bolts of energy” from his palm, and kills the remaining Urgals. Seems like that threat from earlier was true, after all.

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 12 (for randomly killing his own minions)

ILL LOGIC: 25 (seriously, this is stupid. I would have expected better from someone who’s supposed to be such a big threat)

Durza rips his sword from the tree and walks over to Arya. And then… well, see it for yourself.

Prophecies of revenge, spoken in a wretched language only he knew, rolled from his

tongue.

The melodrama! It burns! Seriously, “prophecies of revenge”? Could it get any more overwrought? Weren’t “oaths of revenge” good enough? Also, Durza is apparently a conlanger, going on the comment that he’s the only one who knows this language. Silly, I know, but still.

He clenched his thin hands and glared at the sky. The cold stars stared back, unwinking, otherworldly watchers.

Weird bit about the stars here, because there’s no further special beliefs about them anywhere else in the series. I guess it’s just more melodrama. Although I certainly would have liked to read about beliefs in the stars.

Disgust curled his lip before he turned back to the unconscious elf.

He gets disgusted because of the stars? This is so silly and pathetic.

Next paragraph, there’s this: “Her beauty, which would have entranced any mortal man, held no charm for him.”

Of course her beauty would entrance any mortal, because she’s an elf and the Love Interest.

THE PERFECT SPARKLY WAYS OF ELFDOM: 2

CHRIS PAOLINI = ARIANA BLACK: 5

And of course the focus is on Arya’s beauty, which is a bit icky because she’s unconscious right now. I’ll give it this:

NO-WAVE FEMINISM: 2 (The very first things we get to know about one of the more important female characters is that she’s beautiful. Could be better.)

Also, just look at how eeeeevil Durza is, folks! His heart must be made of stone not to fall in love with such a beautiful woman! Or maybe he’s being professional for once.

DRAGON PROBLEMATYKKS: 3 (for using lack of sexual/romantic attraction to signify evil)

Durza confirms that “the stone”—

DEAD HERRINGS: 3

--is gone, and then retrieves his horse, who’s been standing between the trees this entire while. A horse that never got mentioned before.

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 19

Establish this, Paolini! Don’t just drop things in like this! It makes the world feel very shaky and underbuilt!

Almost done. Durza ties Arya onto the saddle, and then mounts the horse and makes his way out of Du Weldenvarden. And out of the story for a long time, too.

The prologue ends like this: “He quenched the fires in his path but left the rest to burn.” Good line to end on, shows Durza’s apparent ruthlessness, and overall just good.

That was the prologue. Overall, it wasn’t that good. The premise could have been interesting enough, only the stupid decisions of both the elves and Durza turn it into an Idiot Plot. None of the characters has been properly introduced either, so there’s not much reason to care for them. The introduction of the Urgals was quite bad. The only plot-relevant thing that happened was Arya sending away Saphira’s egg, which was quite underplayed. I think the prologue had best been cut.

Next time, we’ll meet up with Eragon as he discovers Saphira’s egg, pardon me, the blue stone.

The counts are as follows:

PROPER PROOFREADING PLEASE: 19

DEAD HERRINGS: 3

DRAGON PROBLEMATYKKS: 3

NO-WAVE FEMINISM: 2

THE PERFECT SPARKLY WAYS OF ELFDOM: 2

CHRIS PAOLINI = ARIANA BLACK: 5

WHEN YOU’RE EVIL: 12

ILL LOGIC: 25

YOU RACIST BASTARDS: 12

DARWIN AWARD RECIPIENT: 2

USE ‘EM AS YOU WILL: 1

HAND-HOLDING: 1

I’M TRYNA CATCH MY BREATH MY BREATH: 1

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK: 3

MISSING PUZZLE PIECES: 3

Comments

[princesselwen]

Someone pointed out that Durza's description sounds like Ronald McDonald, and now I can't take him seriously.

[kudzumac]

And now I can't take him seriously anymore either.

[pangolin20]

He really does. And all the Shades look that way.

[kalinara]

I'm so glad that you've started posting! I won't have a chance to sit down and read it until later today, but I'm really looking forward to it.

[pangolin20]

Take all the time you need!

[kalinara]

This is interesting! I've never read Eragon, so I have no idea what to expect. It seems weird to me that Paolini didn't just use Durza's name during the prologue. Unless it's meant to be a surprise later, when the characters meet someone named Durza and then - GASP - he turns out to be the Shade.

I enjoy the counts too!

[pangolin20]

This is interesting! I've never read Eragon, so I have no idea what to expect.

Eragon: Eragon and Saphira go on a romp through Alagaësia, first with mentor/father Brom, then with (secret) half-brother Murtagh. They fight with the Ra'zac (eeeevil human-looking arthropds), and with Durza. They reach the rebels, and Eragon kills Durza.

Eldest: Eragon and Saphira go on a road-trip to Du Weldenvarden, and get taught by some of the worst teachers alive. Eragon has the hots for Arya. Saphira has the hots for their dragon teacher and tries to rape him. They're taught to overlook all the wrong things the Varden will do.

Meanwhile, Roran (Eragon's cousin) is the target of an not-really-attempted abduction, after which he gets his home village to the rebels.

The rebel group attacks the Empire. Eragon, Saphira and Roran show up. A second dragon, Thorn, has bonded to Murtagh, and they're both eeeeevil now.

Brisingr: Eragon, Roran and Saphira genocide the Ra'zac. Romance teasing between Eragon and Arya. Roran gets married to his love interest, Katrina. Roran goes on loads of military missions and wrestles with an Urgal. Eragon has to rig the dwarven election, almost gets killed, and the election produces the desired result without rigging.

Eragon and Saphira go back to their teachers. Eragon gets a flaming sword (Brisingr). The dragon teacher reveals that dragons can live on in a gem after their death and he spits out his own.

Eragon and Saphira go to the Varden, who are attacking their first city. They win, but only after defeating Durza II. Glaedr (the dragon teacher) gets stuck in his gem.

Inheritance: The Varden destroy more cities, and stuff innocents in labour camps. The city where the Ra'zac are most revered is razed, and Eragon burns a baby Ra'zac alive. The rebel leader is captured and subjected to stupid torture.

Eragon and Saphira are drawn to the old island of the Riders and learn that an old dragon has been manipulating them all this time, and there's also hundreds of unhatched dragons.

Everyone goes to the capital and fights. Galbatorix is subjected to immense pain and commits suicide. His dragon gets a lance to the eye and is presumed dead (even though he might be alive in his gem). The rebel leader proclaims herself queen and immediately begins a crusade against magic users.

Murtagh and Thorn flee from the story. Arya becomes a Rider, as she's bonded to the third dragon, Fírnen. Eragon and Saphira meet with them. Saphira promptly rapes Fírnen, and Arya and Eragon don't end up together.

Eragon and Saphira decide to leave Alagaësia to set up the Riders, and they leave, along with most of their entourage. Roran and Katrina stay behind.

The Fork, the Witch and the Worm:

Setting up the Riders takes longer than expected, so here's a frame story with three smaller adventures:

-1: The story of Essie, how she was bullied, how she met someone who couldn't be Murtagh, how she nearly got killed by a bandit, and how she learned to stab people to resolve her problems.

-2: The self-indulgent writings of Angela, the Witch of Quirk.

-3: The quest of the young Urgal Ilgra to kill the dragon in her valley and to end predation.

And at the end, a new dragon hatches.

Unless it's meant to be a surprise later, when the characters meet someone named Durza and then - GASP - he turns out to be the Shade.

Weirdly, it isn't. Eragon does meet him later on, but he hasn't heard any stories about Durza or the like. We're told his name for the first time when Eragon meets the current rebel leader, Ajihad, when he tells about the time he fought Durza.

I enjoy the counts too!

Thanks! I'll cut down on them somewhat, though.

Thanks for tagging, by the way!

[kalinara]

That sounds very complicated. Also, Saphira sounds very rapey.

[pangolin20]

It's complicated indeed, and it doesn't help that I have to figure out lots of things by myself.

And yes, Saphira really is a rapist. Thing is, we aren't supposed to see her as wrong for that. Frankly, I don't think Paolini even realised it.

Nice to see you sporking!

[pan2000]

And I see you use counters! I love counters.

No co-sporkers because it's first time and I dunno how much I shall invest in.

not to be under Galbatorix’s control

Galbatorix. This already reminds me of a better series about Gauls who fight for their freedom with a magic potion.

Wind howled through the night, carrying a scent that would change the world.

Well, this fails. That’s mostly because it’s completely generic: there’s no sign of with who we are, where the story is, what is happening, etcetera. It’s also not especially evocative, what with wind howling through the night being a quite generic description. The part about the scent is also stupid, as we don’t get to see what that scent is. A description of the scent could have improved this already. Last of all, the comment about the scent changing the world is just pretentious nonsense.

A tall Shade lifted his head and sniffed the air.



Ah, there’s Durza. Who, for some reason, is only named near the end of the book, even though we’re now in his perspective, so we could easily be given his name. I guess Paolini thought it would generate more mystery, but deliberately hiding things the characters already know barely works and is just a horrible idea. In this case, it adds precisely nothing to the story and just comes across as contrived.

A rare time I have seen that tactic working is with the Knights of Aristophanis, because the main character, Agoracritus, is meant to be a nobody wiener-seller who just happens to be even more cunning than the antagonist, plus a reader-insert, and only in the end, when he becomes Head of the State, does he reveal his name... which also hints he was raised as a nobody.

He looked human except for his crimson hair and maroon eyes.



Oooh, a description! Not that bad, honestly, as it gives a distinct aesthetic for Durza, and, as we’ll find out later, Shades in general. The only thing that irritates me about it is the comment that he doesn’t look human because of “his crimson hair and maroon eyes”.

Not too exotic, really. On the plus side, this isn't too purple.

And I just realised something else: why doesn’t Durza look like a normal human? He is Galbatorix’s most important employee (?), and as such I’d think it should pay off if he looked somewhat less conspicuous. For one, it would make his interactions with other people working for Galbatorix easier, as they wouldn’t have to be concerned with “Will he kill us all?. And for another, it would mean Durza could work as a spy, and could maybe double as an assassin. He could even have infiltrated Surda and tried to undermine the support network of the Varden! And it wouldn’t be that hard: if he was unwilling to change his appearance, or if it was impossible, he might put on a glamour charm. That would allow for even more versatility, and glamours should be possible, as per this bit:

Good point.

“Her clothes were unadorned, yet her beauty was undiminished.”

-Why would her clothes be adorned? She’s actually being smart in not pulling on flashy clothing.


-More specialty, because Arya’s beauty is not diminished by unadorned clothes.

At least someone cares about cover, and at least the ogling of the character does not reach fetish levels. Then again, I should thank Newcomb for making me more lenient to other writers.

She now holds “a large sapphire stone that reflect[s] the angry light of the fires.” Yep, that’s Saphira’s egg. And Durza knows it’s Saphira’s egg, so describing it as a stone is really stupid.



In fact, it leads into this count: DEAD HERRINGS. Those are for the cases where the author tries to do a red herring, but fails often by insisting it can’t possibly be this. In this case, I think this qualifies, too, as Durza knows it is an egg, but Paolini deliberately withholds that information just to stretch out the mystery longer. Trust me, this count will skyrocket in the next few chapters.

Meyer would be proud!

Next paragraph, there’s this: “Her beauty, which would have entranced any mortal man, held no charm for him.”

Since last spork I read is from The Fifth Sorceress, I can only say "Thank God".

Re: Nice to see you sporking!

[pangolin20]

Thanks for dropping by!

/And I see you use counters! I love counters./

I've decided to let them drop, sadly.

/Galbatorix. This already reminds me of a better series about Gauls who fight for their freedom with a magic potion./

It apperently means "great king", which I think is a very stupid thing to call yourself.

/At least someone cares about cover, and at least the ogling of the character does not reach fetish levels. Then again, I should thank Newcomb for making me more lenient to other writers./

Yes, it's much better in this regard, though not entirely good.

/Since last spork I read is from The Fifth Sorceress, I can only say "Thank God"./

I've read along, so I really know. Thankfully, this book is quite good to do in terms of everything. The later books are somewhat worse.

Re: Nice to see you sporking!

[pan2000]

Really, I suppose the moral is that just because you are better than Newcomb, you are not great by default.

Re: Nice to see you sporking!

[pangolin20]

Certainly. And with this series... well, by the time we're supposed to cheer on a nuclear suicide bomber, I don't really know how much better it is.