Eragon: Self-published edition: Chapter Six

[pangolin20]

Kerlois: A good day, and welcome to chapter six of the self-published edition of Eragon.

 

 

This chapter is called “Awakening”, the name that was also given the combined chapter in the Knopf edition. I am somewhat mystified by the title, though. In the Knopf edition, it could refer to Saphira hatching. Here, though, I can only think it refers to Saphira’s mental capabilities “awakening” somehow, which I do not exactly care for.

The chapter itself has changed comparatively little. Eragon goes to the tree to feed Saphira and hurries back. Garrow and Roran wonder why he is spending so much time outside. Eragon shrugs and checks to ensure he is not being followed.

Ill Logic: +1

Saphira grows explosively, and soon she does not fit anymore in the hut in the “rowen”, with an “e”.

S PPP: +22

After two weeks, he lets Saphira go free. And he could not have done that earlier?

Hell-Bound Partners: +5

Look Away: +5

He tells her not to go near the farm, and impresses on her the importance of hunting only in the Spine. Their mental contact grows stronger, and the range of contact expands, up until three leagues. This edition phrases this as “It developed to where he could contact it anywhere within three leagues.” The Knopf edition is certainly better here.

He often does so, or, as this edition puts it, “frequently”. We get some more on their mental contact. Saphira’s voice deepens, but she does not yet breathe fire. Here is something from the self-published edition:

Caring for the dragon would be easier once it could provide its own heat. He dared not light a fire to keep it warm; the blaze might be seen.

 

1) She already can and does provide her own heat, Eragon. If that were not the case, she would have frozen to death on the first night. And the amount she must eat every day is also a blatant give-away that she needs to maintain her own temperature. I have no idea at all what you are waiting for, Eragon. Maybe he is waiting until she will not be bothered by the cold weather as much? I do not know.

 

2) I understand why he does not light a fire, but why does she even need one? We have no indication that she is suffering from the cold, after all.

 

A month passes, and Saphira has all grown up. Her scales are as tough as chain mail, “a stout shield against stormy weather”, as this edition puts it. The Knopf edition deletes this, and inserts that her teeth are like daggers.

 

They take long walks, with Saphira padding next to Eragon. This edition says that she does so “silently”. When they find a clearing, they’ll settle against a tree, “or a rotten log”, according to this edition. He wants to fly on her and is sad he cannot do so yet.

 

The forest around the farm fills with signs of Saphira’s presence, and Eragon decides to tell Garrow and Roran about it.

 

He decides to go to Brom for this. Here comes a comparison:

 

K: To that end he needed to talk with Brom, master of epics and legends—the only places where dragonlore survived.

 

S: To that end he needed to talk with Brom, a master of epics and legends, the only places where dragonlore survived.

 

I do like that the self-published edition does not have an em-dash here.

Roran goes to get a chisel fixed, and Eragon goes along with him. A timeskip, and we are at the evening before he leaves. He goes to a clearing and calls Saphira with his mind. Soon, he sees her as a “fast-moving speck”. This edition omits the hyphen here. Saphira dives toward him, pulls up, and levels off. This edition phrases the first clause as “The dragon dove steeply toward him”, while the Knopf edition uses “dived” here.

Poking around somewhat shows me that “dived” seems to be localised to Eragon, and “dove” to the other books. One exception is an instance of “dived” in Inheritance, which does stand out.

Eragon hears “a low-pitched whistle” as the air rushes over Saphira’s wings. That still does not make sense. Come to think of it, I will replace Straight From Left Field by Connection Has Failed. I think that will do better.

Qua points…

1 for Eragon running towards the explosion.

1 in the self-published edition for the “strange beasts” that were mentioned to have been seen around Utgard.

1 for “sugar”.

3 in the self-published edition for “corn” and “potatoes”.

1 in the self-published edition for Horst trying to get Baldor to accompany Eragon.

2 for the whitewashed walls and the woodstove of Eragon’s home.

1 for snow turning into solid ice because people walk on it.

1 for Morlock trading in Carvahall.

1 for the “tree stump chairs”.

1 for the traders telling the truth about the Varden and us being expected not to believe it.

1 for Urgals living on an ice sheet.

3 for Galbatorix’s supposed revenge plan.

1 for Vrael teleporting to Utgard.

1 for Eragon’s lack of reaction to Saphira’s hatching.

1 for Saphira sitting on the bedpost.

1 for this right here.

So, that comes down to:

Connection Has Failed: 16

S Connection Has Failed: +5

Regardless, Saphira lands. This edition noted that Eragon approaches once “[she is] firmly settled.” He makes mental contact, and tells Saphira he’s leaving. He tries to soothe her with a mental picture, but she is unsatisfied. This edition adds a bit:

Though he knew it did not understand, he murmured out loud, “Don’t worry, hunting often takes you farther away from the farm than I will be in Carvahall. Besides, we’ll be able to contact each other at any time. Tomorrow evening I will return and we’ll see each other as usual.”

Well, that is much better than what we got in the Knopf edition! Why did this have to be cut?? This only makes him look much worse in the Knopf edition, for losing 51 words!

S Look Away: +7

Saphira calls out his name, Eragon decides this somehow makes her not an animal, and he runs away. Oh, in this edition he “hesitates” before doing so. Not that that makes it any better.

And there the chapter ends. We lost 102 words here, or 9,87%.

 

I will see you in the comparison for the first part of chapter seven, and after that, I should get back to my regular commentary again.